Negative people can be really difficult to deal with.
Sometimes you don’t have a choice because they’re co-workers or family.
When you see a co-worker five days a week, or have a family member you deeply care about; learning to deal with their negativity can be very helpful.
Here’s a simple trick I learned on how to deal with negative people.
Get them at their best.
What does this mean?
Even negative people have things that bring them joy and happiness.
Let’s say you have an aunt you love who complains about life all the time.
However, she loves to eat at a specific restaurant.
Do you think she’ll be sad, negative, or complaining while eating there?
Of course not.
Maybe you have a negative co-worker who hates his job, salary, and place in life.
Don’t be around when they’re complaining.
Instead, find out what they do for fun.
Make plans to hang out together out of work and do that thing.
The point is to get them to associate you with ONLY fun and happy things.
Don’t become a shoulder for them to cry on, instead be their “escape”.
Do you think your aunt will be disappointed that you’re never around for her to complain if you take her to eat at her favorite restaurant every so often?
Do you think your co-worker will feel like complaining to you if you had a good time during the weekend doing what they like?
“But Alex, isn’t it just a better idea to avoid negative people?”
That’s always an option.
However, if its a family member you love or a co-worker you see often, this is a better approach.
You at least train them to associate you with only happy memories and also bring a little joy and positivity to their lives.
It’s a win-win situation.
This has worked really well for me in the past.
People never feel like you just don’t care.
Instead, you train them to never be negative around you.
They look forward to a positive time when you’re around.
People treasure their good moments.
And if your aunt eating at her favorite restaurant is one of her few good moments, she’ll be happy and positive every second she’s there with you.
What is it that negative people need more of in their lives?
Happiness and positivity.
Give it to them.
-Alex
Ashvin Pudaruth says
This sure is an effective/healthy way, of dealing with negative people. Thanks for this Alex. Great post !!!
Ashvin
http://www.bredforsuccess.com
Alex (Administrator) says
Ashvin,
Glad you enjoyed the article. You’re right that this is an effective/healthy way to deal with people. Most people feel that it’s best to just turn your back or ignore negative people completely. However, if you “get them at their best”, not only do you provide a little happiness to their lives, but you also feel better about yourself for doing so!
-Alex
Andrew Miles says
Relentless positivity, that’s my mission. This approach is exactly how I try and be towards people every day… And I don’t always succeed, but I’m getting better. Good post, Alex.
Alex (Administrator) says
Thanks Andrew, glad you enjoyed the article.
“And I don’t always succeed” – yes, sometimes it can be tough. Some people can be very difficult to deal with, even if you try to bring in positivity into their lives. I believe you when you say you’re getting better because I’m experiencing the same thing. The more you deal with negative people, the better you get at “reading” them and reacting in an optimal way.
Keep up with the relentless positivity mission!
-Alex
Alex (Administrator) says
“Personally, I put an ocean between me and most of my family.” I’ve never heard this ocean metaphor, but it’s very good.
Tara, give me an example. Are these people family or co-workers? People on social media?
How exactly do they stick their nose in your life and how do they get the opportunity to do so?
-Alex
The Rational Rebel says
Hey Alex,
Great post and I like your positive approach. Personally, I put an ocean between me and most of my family, and I won’t lie, it solved a lot of these negativity issues. But not everyone has that option or wants to take it. Also, firing people from your life is easier said than done.
Do you have any thoughts on how to deal with people who are not necessarily negative, but take every opportunity to stick their nose in your life and give you “useful” advice?
Tara
http://therationalrebel.com/
The Rational Rebel says
I actually put a real ocean between us. I moved to another continent. But yeah, it works as a metaphor too.
An example would be a close family member, like a parent, who will try to influence you and never miss an opportunity to tell you how to live your life. Not that you have to listen to them, but it can be very tiring to have someone constantly nagging you.
Alex (Administrator) says
I would do one thing and one thing only – sit them down or call them on the phone and tell them:
“I want to communicate something to you. I don’t need you to respond unless you feel you need to. When you constantly nag me and try to tell me how to live my life, it slowly ruins our relationship. I feel like I can’t come to you for advice, instead only for judgement. I would hate for us to lose our mother/daughter or father/daughter relationship because it really means the world to me. I love you and know you love me. I understand that your intentions are good but I’m a grown up and am doing more than fine making decisions on my own. I want you to have faith in me that I will do just fine.”
This family member sounds like they have a fear of “letting go”. I would imagine that you’re the only child or the youngest. Either that or they simply “lean” on you because they lack fulfillment in some area of their life. The issue here is not YOU, it’s them. Some parents don’t understand that life is a journey, there’s no road map. Their kids have to make mistakes and learn things on their own.
Maybe they don’t agree with the life you’ve chosen, and that’s their mistake. You, like everyone else, should do what YOU want to do, not what your parents think is best. Sure, guidance and advice is always welcome. But there’s a HUGE difference between advice/guidance and constant nagging.
-Alex
Alex (Administrator) says
No problem, hope all works out well. Best of luck!
-Alex
The Rational Rebel says
I’m reading this with a smile because that’s almost exactly what I told them years ago. I’m neither the only nor the youngest child, but they definitely had a bad case of fear of “letting go.”
I’m not judging them, because I don’t have kids and cannot really relate to how they feel. But eventually, everyone must live their own life.
Thanks for taking the time to write such a detailed response! Much appreciated.
Alex (Administrator) says
Jeffery, I’m glad it inspired you and hope it helps you with any negative people you’ll have to deal with in the future.
-Alex
Jeffery says
Hello, just wanted to say, I enjoyed this article. It was inspiring.
Keep on posting!
Keit says
Sounds like a great idea. I’ve been doing the opposite, which is trying to be as negative as possible so that the person would stay away from me.
Alex (Administrator) says
Isn’t that interesting, Keith? Even when you’re being as negative as possible, it doesn’t push them away…
That’s because negative people get a rush from negative situations. I know, it sounds crazy, but it makes perfect sense when you think about it.
-Alex