Things to Avoid After a Breakup
Depending on how much you cared about your ex, breaking up can be difficult.
It seems like everyone tells you the same things:
- Move on
- There’s plenty of fish in the sea
- You can do better
- It takes time
….and so on.
While this isn’t necessarily bad advice, it doesn’t make you feel any better.
Yes, you will move on, but it takes time.
Of course there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but you’re in no mood or state of mind to meet any one.
Your self-confidence is low and you don’t feel you can do better.
All of these are normal symptoms after a breakup.
So the first step is to know that you WILL get over the person.
It doesn’t matter how long you were together or how much you feel you care about them.
You will get over them.
Depending on if you loved them or not, you might always care for them.
…but the desire and desperation of having them back in your life, will pass.
This probably won’t make you feel any better either, but it’s vital for you to know.
Let’s discuss the important things to avoid after a breakup.
“What’s the point to go out?”, you ask yourself.
You feel down and just want to stay home.
Getting dressed and going anywhere to talk to friends or people seems like a ridiculous idea.
You want to stay in and be all alone to feel sad and depressed.
While in the moment, staying home feels like the “best” thing to do…
It’s a terrible idea!
Staying home will only make the situation worse.
You won’t do ANYTHING but think about your ex.
Going out with friends doesn’t mean you’ll get over the breakup in 24 hours.
…but it will take your mind off it and help the healing process.
I strongly believe that staying home will double the amount of time it takes to get over a breakup.
You need to get out.
You need to get fresh air, meet new people, laugh, and realize life goes on.
Going out every night isn’t necessary, but staying out of the house is!
Download an audio-book and go for a long walk.
Go over a friend’s house.
Join a club, charity, or a a new hobby.
On nights you do stay home, keep your mind occupied with chores, comedies, or personal projects.
Contacting Your Ex
“Maybe I’ll call just to see how they’re doing”.
No you won’t.
This is self-sabotage.
Contacting your ex is the last thing you should do.
It’s over for a reason.
Don’t dwell on the fact that this was the best person for you.
Without getting too philosophical here…
Would the relationship have ended if they were in fact the best person for you?
Sure, everyone fights.
…but when fighting leads to breaking up, there’s a good chance you were dating the wrong person.
Which most of the time, if you break up, you were.
Everything your ex had to offer emotionally, physically, and psychologically; can and will be found in another person.
…you just don’t believe it yet because of how you feel at the moment.
Don’t call your ex!
Speaking to them will only make things worse.
Do you really expect to feel better about the breakup if you talk to them?
It’s become harder than ever to get over someone because of all the instant exposure we have to them.
What happens after a breakup?
You get curious.
What are they up to?
Did they meet someone?
Are they thinking about me?
With a click of a button, all curiosity is fulfilled.
Spying on your ex through social media is just as bad as staying home or calling them.
You’re not allowing yourself to get over them.
You’re creating a virtual fantasy that you’re still with them by not allowing yourself to let go.
Sounds a little extreme and far-fetched, right?
It’s true, my friend.
Spying on your ex through social media constantly won’t do you any good.
I can only imagine if your internet goes down, you’ll go insane.
My opinion is that you should delete your ex off social media.
Yes, I understand it seems dramatic, immature, and unnecessary.
If you broke up, there’s no reason to see what the other is up to.
…or to get updates on what’s going on their life.
Having each other on social media is almost the same as talking on the phone daily.
You should either delete them or stay away from social media, completely.
Feeling sad and depressed is no way to spend your day.
It’s a horrible feeling that you want to escape from.
…and I don’t blame you.
Turning to things that mask the symptom of sadness and depression will do more harm than good.
Alcohol or other substances might work momentarily but will not expedite the healing process.
It’s much better to accept and deal with the feelings of sadness.
Distracting your mind with things you enjoy is a much better and effective idea than unhealthy choices.
Alcohol is a downer and will only make you feel worse.
You’ve heard all the stories about drunk texting and calling.
Don’t put yourself in situations that will make the breakup worse.
You’ll spend the entire next day thinking about what you said when you called.
Besides being harmful physically, turning to unhealthy choices to deal with a breakup will decrease productivity.
If you feel tired and unmotivated the next day, plus you’re dealing with the breakup; imagine what kind of day you’ll have.
Music, Movies, and Friends
Avoid listening to sad music, romantic movies, and talking to friends about your ex.
What will sad music do?
Make you feel sadder and depressed.
What will romantic movies do?
Make you feel sadder and depressed.
What will talking to your friends about your ex do?
….I think you get the point.
You should listen to positive, energetic, and uplifting music.
You should watch a ton of comedies.
…and you should talk to your friends about anything but your ex.
Great Mental Exercise After Breakup
Here’s a great exercise I like to give my friends who are dealing with a breakup.
Step 1) Think about your ex-ex. Remember after you broke up with them? Didn’t you feel the same way? Like you would never meet someone else again?
Step 2) Ask yourself what would have happened if you would have never decided to date again after the breakup with your ex-ex.
Step 3) Think about how happy you were with your ex and how your ex-ex didn’t matter during those times.
Step 4) Realize that you’ll feel the same way once you meet someone new.
This exercise proves to you that you can meet someone new.
You can be happy again.
You can forget you ex.
You’ve already done it before!
Even if you feel that you cared about your ex more than your ex-ex, you know that you can meet someone new and be happy again.
You will get over it.
What to do Meanwhile
This is a great time!
You have plenty of free time to become the best version of yourself.
Start working out if you’re not already doing so.
Buy yourself some nice clothes.
Force yourself to smile.
Listen to a lot of fun and uplifting music like I mentioned before.
The amount of time it takes for you to get over your ex depends on you.
The best trick is to keep your mind busy.
The more things you’re involved in, the less you’ll dwell on the breakup.
Going back to working out, I highly advise that you engage in intensive workouts.
Lying in bed, thinking about your ex, will only lead to restless nights.
Drink Sleepytime Extra Tea to help calm your mind and fall asleep.
Life is filled with both great and sad moments.
Sure you can be a coward and never date again to prevent pain.
…but that will never bring you true fulfillment.
We all need a partner to grow and create memories with.
…but you have to accept that the path to finding someone has bumps in the road.
Avoiding these things after a breakup will bring you to the right person sooner than later.
Don’t keep them waiting.