Everyone wants to be liked.
We all want to be thought of as successful and admirable.
No one wants to be perceived as weak, annoying, or a failure.
You’ll often hear people say, “I don’t care what others think“.
…but deep inside, we all want to be accepted by others.
We come pre-wired with this want and need from our ancestors.
Back in the day, those who were liked and perceived as admirable were more likely to be accepted into the group and survive.
People are self-conscious, whether they admit it or not.
They wonder and worry what others think especially in the face to face moments.
Why It’s Selfish to Worry What Others Think
What’s the keyword in the paragraph above?
The keyword is people.
…and by people, of course I mean every one.
You, me, our friends, family and people we see daily.
Everyone is constantly worried about how they are perceived by others.
For this reason, worrying what other people think, especially when they’re in front of you, is selfish.
They aren’t focusing on you, they are focusing on THEMSELVES.
…and if you’re focusing on you in order to get them to like you, you’ll fail.
Instead of worrying what they think, learn to make them like you.
You do this by focusing on making them feel comfortable and admirable.
How to Respond and Be Liked
Let’s say we’re having a conversation and you tell me a story about something you’re thinking of doing.
When you’re done speaking, which response would make you feel better?
”I’m actually thinking of doing something myself, I am going to start tomorrow..?”
“That actually sounds pretty good and I know you can do it, you’re smart just because you came up with the idea, so getting it done won’t be an issue.”
The difference in both examples is evident.
Again, people want to be liked and aren’t worried about you.
Point out the positives in everything they tell you.
Motivate, inspire, and give them positive feedback on what they say.
Expand on what they tell you by asking more questions or providing feedback like:
“That must have made you feel great”
“Would you ever do it again?”
“Sounds like that was a blast, is that the first time you do that?”
This is the trick to all human relationships.
In the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People“, Daniel Carnegie expands on these ideas.
I recommend the book if you want a deeper education on how to get people to like and enjoy being around you.
…but this article is a summary and a good start.
When someone speaks, don’t respond with a comment about yourself.
Listen to them and respond to what they told you!
If I tell you:
“This weekend I was riding bicycle and I almost fell after driving over this huge ditch“.
Don’t respond with:
“Oh wow! That happened to me once. I was riding bike and this car almost hit me because he didn’t stop at the light.”
Doing this unconsciously communicates to the person that you could care less about what they just told you and only care about telling them your story.
A better response would be:
“Wow that must have been a scary moment, did you keep riding after or take a short break to relax from the scare?”
Do you see the difference?
You actively listened and made them feel heard and like what they said was important.
What people think about you is influenced by how you make them feel about themselves.
A conversation can go on for hours if all you do is listen and respond to the other person.
Listen and respond.
It’s truly that simple.