*If you want to speak to me directly and get my advice on your specific situation, click here to download my book and email me to my secret email address on the last page. I’ll respond within 24-48 hours.
She Wants Space
So she asked you for “space”, huh?
Don’t worry about it, you’re not alone.
This happens to men all over the world every day.
Relationships can take you on a roller coaster ride.
One day everything is up, the next day things begin going down.
The moment she tells you “I need space” is the FIRST sign that things are beginning to go down.
As soon as you hear those 3 words, it’s BAD news.
When your girlfriend reaches this point, it means that she feels better when she’s not around you.
The reason that YOU lead her to this point could be any of these:
1) You hurt her emotionally
2) She’s bored with the relationship
3) She feels the relationship isn’t going anywhere
The list of reasons is endless.
The important thing isn’t why she wants space.
Listen good to what I’m about to tell you next because it’s going to save your relationship…
What’s important is that you actually give her space.
When a woman wants space, the WORST thing you can do is try to convince her that it isn’t necessary.
Doing this will ONLY push her way MORE!
Trust me.
As I teach you inside my book (click here to download your copy), when a woman asks for space, there are certain things you MUST DO to prevent pushing her away and losing her FOREVER!
Look man…I get it, you love her and she makes you happy.
You’re scared to give her space because you miss her and fear that she might be hanging out with other guys.
Right?
But listen to me because I’ve been helping men with this for over 10 years…
As much as it hurts, you need to respect what she wants and give her space.
How long do you need to leave her alone for?
As long as it takes for her to come back to you.
It might be a couple days, or it might be longer.
Don’t worry about when she’ll come back.
Instead, start doing other things that you like and enjoy.
Have fun and focus on improving yourself.
Workout a little more than usual, start a new hobby, buy something that will bring you happiness, hang out with friends, and so on.
Whatever you do, DO NOT stay in the house because all you’re going to do is think about her.
Right now you’re probably thinking:
“Yes! That’s exactly what’s happening to me now. I think about her ALL THE TIME!”.
Well, if you want to MAXIMIZE the chances of her coming back, don’t contact her.
Space means space!
It doesn’t mean “Call me every day just to see how I’m doing”.
Calling or texting her to try and get her to come back will only annoy her and ruin the chances of saving your relationship.
Why does giving her space work?
It allows one very important thing to happen…
She gets the chance to miss you.
It allows her to think about the relationship and reasons why she should come back.
Read that last sentence again.
This is good because if she really loves you, she’ll come back.
If she doesn’t, then what are you really losing?
Think about that for a moment.
How Long Before You Call Her
My rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t call her.
If she asked for space, you should give it to her.
She should contact you when she’s ready to talk.
However, I’ll say this…
It’s OK to contact her two weeks after she asks for space just to say hello and see how she’s doing.
…But that’s it!
No long phone conversations!
No asking what she’s been up to!
No asking to hang out and talk!
You ask how’s she’s been and say bye.
This shows you care about her, but also that you’re respecting her request of space.
Does that make sense?
If more than a month goes by and she doesn’t suggest meeting to talk, then it’s a sign that you have to prepare to let her go.
These things happen, man.
Relationships end.
The roles might be reversed one day.
You might be the one telling a woman that you need space.
Things change, and so do people.
You might feel one way about someone today, and completely different tomorrow.
Sure, you can tell yourself:
“Well, what’s the point then? I’ll stay single forever. Why even risk falling for someone who might end up leaving?”
Well, that’s one way to go about it and risk never meeting a great woman.
…Or you can bite the bullet, act like a man, put yourself out there and accept that you might be disappointed from time to time.
Life is all about risk.
You risk your life when your drive.
You risk your life when you go on a roller-coaster.
Why do you take the risks?
Because the benefits outweigh anything that can go wrong.
And that’s exactly what meeting a great woman is all about.
You take the risk of ending up disappointed because the reward is meeting a great woman who is perfect in every way.
The moral of the story is that if she wants space, you MUST give it to her.
If she comes back, she comes back.
If she doesn’t, you move on.
After all, if you guys were REALLY meant to be together…Wouldn’t you be?
– Alexander Writer
P.S. – My new book “Dating Mastery” will teach you dating & relationship secrets to get an ex back, attract your dream lover or to improve a failing relationship. Click here to learn more and download your copy.
freddie says
another article that has really helped me, i’ll make sure i keep checking back for more. thank you
Alex (Administrator) says
Thank you, Freddie. I promise more great content.
Glenn says
This helps. Thank you so much.
Her emotion got hurt so much, a big insult because of me. She said she needs space “maybe next month, or 3rd, months”. I think it what she means “3rd” is the 3rd monthsary.
She told my mom how much she loves me. She don’t want to talk to me but my parents through chat. We’re in long distance relationship. I respect her need, to give space.
I read that It’s ok to contact her weekly, maybe I can say “How are you my dear? or just “How are you?”
Alex (Administrator) says
Give her two weeks of space, Glenn. After two weeks, message her and say “Hey, just wanted to say hello and hope everything is well”. At that point she’ll let you know whether she wants to talk to you or not. Women need time to get over being mad. There’s a good chance she’ll come to you before 2 weeks. But if she doesn’t, then message her and see what happens.
Stacy says
Great article, my girl has asked for space, ive done just that but extremely difficult to not contact, shes overwelmed as she has gone through divorce, three kids, and we just moved her into new place and she starts a very busy job. Ive offered to help with expenses but she is determined to do things on her own as her ex husband always told her she could never live alone or handle life on her own so I think I may have overstepped her ground and brought back those bad days of hurt by ex
Alexander Writer says
Stacy,
Yeah, that sounds like a difficult situation. And, you’re right, she’s been through a lot. Just continue to cut back on the amount of contact/attention you give her and see if things get better. Also, I recommend you ONLY help a woman financially when you’re living with her. Good luck!
Ken says
Hey, thanks for this.
My girlfriend of over a year and I have been kind of rocky lately.. We broke up last summer because she was worried about whether we would make it (she’s had continuous bad relationships). This was only after a few months of us being together; and at that time my ex girlfriend (of 8 years) got in touch with me and seemed like a completely different person. Since my new girlfriend and I were broken up, it seemed like maybe the 8 year ex gf was a logical step back to. Needless to say, it wasn’t. What it WAS, was just that- a step BACK.
Anyway, my “new” ex and I had eventually gotten back together, and everything was fine. We’re very much in love with each other; but she finds it hard to trust me after last summer. She thinks something is still going on even though I’ve proven over and over that I’m being faithful.
Anyway we’ve “broken up” and gotten back together a few times these last 2 months.
The last time I got back (I’m a truck driver), I went over since we were broken up again anyway and felt like I had nothing to lose. I said”what I’m going to ask you to do is next to impossible… But try. Put aside any thoughts of the past, the present, and the future. Don’t ask “how, how can I, or what if”- those are all things that can be worked on depending on your answer. Do you want a relationship with me?” long story short, she said she did and I said “then take your time, have your space; and when you’re ready: I’ll be here… And when that happens, I want to start fresh, with a new relationship; because if we just try to get back together and pick up where we left off, we’ll fail again. We need to start again, when you’re ready, as two new people, ready to have a new relationship”. Now I’m at the point where we’ve just started our space apart, and I’m in need of motivation and hope. I’ve been checking articles and websites for my own sanity, and for comfort and hope that we can fix this.
Alexander Writer says
Ken,
You did good by giving her space and allowing her time to make a decision with your offer of “starting over”. However, the two of you have been breaking up consistently for a while now, which is usually a bad sign. At this point, the ball’s in her court. You said what you had to say and now it’s up to her whether the two of you will start over or not. What I recommend is that you don’t contact her or pressure her to make a decision. At the same time, I don’t recommend you wait around for her forever. When a woman wants to be with a man, it doesn’t take her long to figure it out. If you haven’t heard back from her within a week, it might be time to let her go. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth and I want to make sure I guide you in the best direction.
Best of luck, bud!
Tim says
Feel better after reading this. Thank you! My situation is I’ve been dating this girl for a bit over a year. About 1/2 a year ago, she misjudged me on my value. I explained and she understood that she was wrong about me. She agreed that if she talked about it earlier and I clarified earlier, things maybe different.
We both are trying to improve in life so we encourage each other a lot. She works in graveyard shift and we both kids from previous relationship so, our alone time is close to none. From where she works, a lot of guys customer would text her. It is kind of impossible to not giving numbers to guys because she works as a waitress in a casino and needs to flirt a bit with them to try to earn more tips. She doesn’t like the job but because of the money, right now, she has no choice.
We both agreed when we first started we need to solve problems in a relationship. With that mentality, I pushed too much and explained too much repeatedly on the same problems. But those problems cannot be solved immediately. I know I made a mistake here. I should leave the problems out temporary and make her feel relief and feel better. I thought what I did would helped her.
2 months ago, she met a guy that she had a crushed on previously. The guy works in a mining company so job is seasonal. He is now back in town and planning to settle down. My girlfriend told him she has a boy friend. But the guy didn’t care and ask her to be his girlfriend. She said he gave her flowers, pick her up from work. (I can’t because some days I have my young kids and I can’t leave the house).
On Sunday, she texted me and said she wanted to break up with me. I went and see her and asked her why? She then told me the above story of this guy he met. I asked her to seriously think about giving us another chance because we had misunderstanding. She said she would think about it seriously. I told her I realized that I treated her the wrong way even tho I was trying to encourage her. I told her I would not do this again.
On Monday, I emailed her with a log that I’ve been keeping of things about us. We texted for about 1.5 hrs after. I told her I was crying. At night time, she texted me and asked if I had dinner yet. I told her I ate at my parents place. She asked if I could bring some stuff back to her (her runner, a cooking ingredient and a sleeping bag where her daughter uses when they sleep in my place). I went to see her. When she opened the door, she was jumping and dancing and said she’s trying to cheer me up. We hugged for a while and I kissed her. When I went home, I texted her that I missed her. She said she felt very sad to see me upset that much and hurting her too. But she really need time to feel her heart to tell her what she should do. I told her I will try not to be sad and it is hard to control. Reading her message made me felt a lot better. We continued to text for almost 2 hours.
Tuesday, she texted me asked me how was my sleep and we messaged a bit. I bought a card during the day and gave it to her at night. It says why we should be back and how I will be different. She saw me when I was trying to leave the card by the door. When I gave her the card, I kissed her. She didn’t push away. I texted her later asked if she ate. We messaged an hour. When bed time, I messaged her again later for an hour.
Wednesday, I messaged her and she said she is going to see a doctor the next day. I offer a ride (she doesn’t have a car) based on the circumstance but she said no. Messaged for about an hour.
Thursday, I messaged her and see how she was after the doctor visit. She said she needs to do some test. I asked her if she minds that I continue to chat with her before we would meet again. She asked to give her some space to think first and that she doesn’t give me false hope. I said OK, I will respect her.
I know it’s a bit long, sorry. But I want you to see them. I have the following questions:
1. She promised she won’t see the other guy. I trust her but I don’t trust the guy because when a guy knows a girl has a boyfriend, he should step back and chase single girl. But I can’t stop the guy going to see her. Do you think the guy is seeing her these few days, pick her up, drop her off and went to see her doctor with him?
2. It seems like she is seriously thinking about us. Is it? Or is she using this time to find out more about the other guy?
3. Do I have a chance?
4. How can I get her back?
I know I screwed up. I am not blaming her at all for thinking to leave me because I was drowning her. I really love her and I want her back.
I wish I had read this article earlier. I know I’ve done something that I shouldn’t have.
Alexander Writer says
Tim, this girl doesn’t respect you. How can a girl get into a car with a man who knows she has a boyfriend, but is still trying to date her anyways. She’s not worth it, bud. I think you should consider letting her go. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s what’s best for you.
Yes, I believe she’s seeing the other guy, but just doesn’t want you to feel bad about it. She probably still cares about you, but likes the new guy she met. She’s telling you to give her space so that she can have time alone with him. Let her go, no matter how hard it is at the beginning. You deserve and will have someone better one day.
Tim says
I understand that she didn’t respect me comparing an asshole to me. I warned her that he is a selfish person and won’t really care for her. I am not trying to protect her. She is a very simple and naive person even tho her work place is very complicated. She is a human and can make mistakes and be confused when she is unhappy in our existing relationship. I drowned her too much and I didn’t respect her this way.
She doesn’t think very deep. I mentioned she misjudged me on my value, right? She worked in the casino for 6 years in a different department. Her friend (lets name her AAA) helped her to get this new role as a waitress. She really appreciate AAA helps. AAA did a lot of background work for her. She asked me Tim, as my bf, why won’t you try to pay the bills all the time when we go to dinner? (We are Chinese and our culture is like this.) And of course I paid sometimes, just not everytime. I explained to her first, AAA helped you by building a bridge so you get the job you wanted. She didn’t pay anyone. She is also at a different stage of life, she just recently became a grandma, her husband owns a big house and a business. They’re counting down to their retirement stage. They don’t need us to pay the bills all the time to show appreciation. I think that would be an insult to them if we don’t let them pay at all. There are many other ways to pay back someone. I told her if you brought it up 1/2 a year ago, you would not hold this misunderstanding in your heart for 1/2 a year and we can come up with ways to repay her.
So, from this example, you can tell she is a very simple person. And I like that part of her very much! The world is complicated enough already. It would be really nice to come home and see someone that is simple & straight forward. I see this as a quality of her.
In early week the night we texted for 2 hours. She told me she’s making a list about us. She asked me many questions on values. She asked me to tell her my fears that I don’t expose to the public. At first, I didn’t know what she meant so she gave me an example. So it’s like I’m afraid of public speaking, etc.
She gave me confidence to quit my old job and took a job that eventually requires public speaking. She got me out of my comfort zone big time!
Don’t know if you would rethink how you look at her.
Today I feel better as I read a lot last night. Couldn’t sleep. Sun no sleep, Mon 3 hrs, Tue 0, Wed 3, Thur 0. I’ve read that to try to get her back, you have to put yourself on the pedestal and not her. So, I’m trying to fix myself up and be ready for any girl. If we meet in the future, we’ll meet. It is hard. For most of the day, it’s kind of okay. I got a $50 hair cut, trying to treat myself better. Be positive and happy. I know it takes time. I know I should try to go out as much as possible. But when I’m out, my emotion become super sensitive. The breakdown feeling would suddenly come and I have to hold myself really hard to not really breakdown.
Alexander Writer says
Just hang in there, Tim. Things will get better. This is something that we all go through as men. Sure, she’s done some nice things for you, but she disrespected you on a level that’s NOT acceptable. I don’t recommend you start over. I’m sure many other men would agree with me.
Sean says
My woman of 13 years says she needs space but this is only after I found out she was sexting another man and had gotten physical with him twice. She broke down after it was out in the open, then she says thinks she has feelings for this guy but she knows the feeling is fleeting. I overreacted at this point and only made things worse for a good week. Now we are at the point where she tells me she wants space to do her things, go out when she wants, do things around the house on her own, see this other guy if she want etc. She says that we are friends now and that she will never rule out gettin back together because of our history together, she just needs space. Idk if I should just give up hope that she “wakes up” and ends this madness or if she is just at a point where she really needs to have time without me or my influence around to figure things out and what she really wants. It’s clear my only option is to just move out and leave her alone but my question is do I just hard no contact her and ignore her or do I just let her initiate contact and go from there? How do I know when too long is too long and I just give up on getting her back? 1 month, 3 months? Longer? I want to honor her wishes because I love her but I don’t want to lose her either. I need a path to walk and I can walk it I just need a start.
Alexander Writer says
Sean,
Once a woman has declared you a “friend”, it means she’s lost attraction for you. I’ve never been with a woman for 13 years so I can’t make a lot of assumptions here. Should you get back with her? That’s up to you. Ask yourself this, “Can I live with the fact that she’s been with another man?”
If you can accept that fact and choose to give it another shot, you should avoid all contact and let her come back to you. No amount of calling, texting, sending flowers, or anything else will make her feel attraction for you again. She has to miss you and want to come back. There’s no way to convince her of this. Remember that.
Again, 13 years is a long time, but always remember this – Whether you get back with her or not, you can always start a new life with another women. Most of the time, getting back into a relationship where things ended badly isn’t a good idea. What do you feel you want to do at this point? Think about it and answer me when you’re ready.
lenny123 says
thanks for your insight, maybe you can shed some light on my situation
My gf told me the other day that she needs to be distant. I am not really sure what her outlook is at this time and it hurts.
Last week was my birthday. We had a trip planned to go away with a group of friends to celebrate. A couple days prior to leaving, she came to me and said she might not be able to go because she has some family issues with her brother relapsing. She said she couldn’t afford to go on the trip with me and also visit her family in a few weeks. I told her i support whatever decision she makes. She confirmed that she couldn’t go the next day and i got indifferent myself. I didn’t feel that she was including me in her decision making so i shut down. I was thinking about all the money she spends on personal stuff and how that seemed more important than saving money for the trip. I didn’t talk to her and she finally reached out to me the day I was leaving and was really upset that i didn’t talk to her. I explained to her that i felt like she prioritizes her money differently then i would, because i make personal sacrifices so i can do things with her and that if she included me in the final decision i may have offered to help her with money.
While i was away we communicated through messages, i was under the impression that although we both had differences with priorities, we were working through it. She wished me happy birthday, said she misses me and wishes she could be there to share it with me. While i was away, she became more distant and i asked her whats wrong. She said she still didn’t get over how we left off and that her brother is homeless on the street and she can’t stop thinking about it. I tried to give her some reassurance. I really wasnt having much fun without her there, and i tried to explain that to her and that i wish i could help her. The whole time, she and her friends saw pictures my friends posted of us out doing things looking like we are having lots of fun. She kept saying i want you to have a good time for your bday and i tried to, but contrary to the looks of the picures i was really down.
when i got back, i was expecting to see her and talk about things. She told me she bacame indifferent about us and that its too much ontop of the family issues and her trying to launch her website. She said she was upset how i didn’t communicate with her, and this is not the first time i’ve shut down and she had to reach out to me. I owned up to my part, but she said she needs space to do her things. I asked her to please define that, and she said she is not just gonna leave but she needs to be distant. I told her i respect that and will do as she asks. A few hours later she messaged me with rage, after she saw more friends pictures that looked like we spent a lof of money. She said she was pissed that I can call her out for not prioritizing her money while i was out spending money and never even offered to lend any to her to go. Then she said she can’t talk to me for a while.
That night i dropped off the gifts i bought her on the vacation to her porch. She called me when she received them and just said that i do big things but i don’t do the little things and that she is confused. I told her i am compassionate about her family situation and told her to please don’t be afraid to lean on me for that. Thats how we left off. The next day i wished her success in her launch of her website this week and she thanked me. I haven’t heard from her since.
i feel like i put myself out there. I see her point of view, and at the same time i keep hearing how screwed up it is that she didn’t even do anyhing for me for my birthday.
At this point i feel like i put myself out ther and the ball is in her court, i am a little shaken up.
I see a lot of “just give her space” and let her reach out, but at the same time i feel bad about whats going on with her brother and not being there. What do you think??
Alexander Writer says
It’s her brother, not yours. Leave it alone. I know that sounds a little cold hearted, but trust me it’s what’s best. You wished her success and she hasn’t responded, dontoubtjink she deserves your compassion for your family? Look at how she’s treating you. Accept the situation, deal with the pain, and move on. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s what’s bestbfor you.
Lee says
Hey. My girl of five years suddenly asked for space. I didn’t see that coming. I was devastated. She tried to explain that she’s doing it to find herself. She said sorry and asked me to respect her decision.
Of course, emotions got the better of me. I said some things. I begged her not to leave me but to no avail. She seemed that she already made the decision and I can’t do nothing about it anymore.
Since then I walked away and felt like shit. But for the past days, I’ve realized my shortcomings and I’m very much willing to give her time and space she needed.
Months ago she asked about what my career and personal goals are. I’ve been avoiding this type of question all my life. It’s not that I don’t have plans. It’s just that I grow up like that–keeping some things to myself.
The truth really is I have a plan for us and myself. I recently subjected for a promotion, which means a significant amount of pay increase. I was also planning to propose to her by December. But then the “space talk” came in suddenly and I was caught off guard.
It’s been over a week of no contact. Even though I really miss her and want to talk about how we can salvage our relationship.
Please advise when is it alright to contact her and what approach should I take for us to sort things out. Thanks!
Alexander Writer says
Lee, I wish I knew the reason why she decided to ask for space but the reality is that I don’t know much about your relationship. It can be for a lot of different reasons. I recommend you check out my book where I cover this topic in-depth so you can probably get your question answered. Maybe you spent too much time together, maybe you kept doing the same things, maybe you got dramatic when the two of you would argue. Again, the reasons are endless. You can download my book here. Best of luck!
Tawanda says
I lied to girl friend that i wasn’t working on Saturday then she finds out and she hasn’t been replying my messages and my calls also for two days,i tried to defend myself but but she knew i was lying then apologize several times then she responded by saying ,”there is nothing to talk about,then she ended up saying she needs space”and hasn’t been texting or calling for a day.Is there any chance that she’s come back plz help?
Ray says
Hello my girlfriend been together 4 1/2 years. We’re both 49 years of age she lives in her house and I have my house. I have done a lot of stupid things to hurt her. We have been broken up for over a month now. To this day I will go over to her house to see the dogs about twice a week when on one is at home. We rescued together 4 dogs. I have notice that all of my things and still untouched and she still has our picture together from this past vacation on the bookshelf in her office at my girlfriends’ house are still like they were when she broke up with me. I also still have her garage door opener and she has my garage door opener as well. Girlfriend still has some things at my house as well.
Right now it is a week since we last text each other but then I was the first to send her a text. All her text messages would be that she is not coming back and she is done.
My question is to you is she really done with the relationship or she just really hurt right now and that’s why she has she has shut down and I should just leave her a loan and let her contact me? Because I have never seen the kind of behavior from my Girlfriend before. Thanks
Daniel says
Met a girl online who I’ve been talking to for just shy of two months. We met up this week and spent a few days together and enjoyed it immensely. She makes me happy and she says I do the same for her. It went about as well as a first few days together could possibly go and we both genuinely want to be together.
But I live in a different state to her and while I’m more than willing to be in a long distance relationship with her, she’s afraid to enter into an official relationship with me because she’s had bad experiences with pretty much everyone she’s dated before, and she doesn’t know how she’d handle dating someone who is so far away. We’ve both agreed that we’ll work through this and see how it goes before deciding on anything concrete, but we both feel very strongly for each other so it’s… complicated to say the least. She also has a tendency to push people away out of fear of hurting them (and by extension, herself) should things not work out. That doesn’t bother me and she’s thankful for the fact that I won’t leave her so easily.
Anyway, I pushed things a little too hard (like an idiot) and provoked the response that she needs space because I’m smothering her. I can agree wholeheartedly with that analysis because my most recent relationship had me walking on egg shells with my ex and generally having to be painfully super attentive to avoid another emotional breakdown/explosion on the part of my ex, which has altered how I behave in relationships and makes me worry excessively about what the person I like is thinking and feeling. I’ve told her as much and she understands that I’m simply relearning how to be with someone who isn’t a walking time bomb of emotions who’ll go off without any provocation at all.
So she said she just needed a few days to herself last night and I’m happy to give that to her. I just don’t know what to do aside from that and I’m hoping you can provide me with any advice.
Also she’s asexual/demisexual so I’ve no concerns that she’s suddenly interested in dating or bonking another guy, so that part of needing space is out, which is why I’m confused and in need of advice. I’ve never had a girl who said she needed space because she actually needed space before. Furthermore, she said she loved me in response to my own ‘i love you’ goodnight text, so I’m not convinced it’s a case of ‘She’s lost interest’ either.
Thanks in advance.
Alexander Writer says
It’s hard to say whether she’s done or not. But you should leave her alone and let her come back to you. Maybe she just needs some space. Good luck!
Alexander Writer says
Give her a week alone and then contact her again to say sorry. She’s just very mad right now. She’s needs space and time to forgive you.
Dazzza says
Hello I’ve been with this girl for 5 months was all going great last year then soon as January came along my gf wanted to finish me because she had family problems and she’s mental exhausted. I accepted then she changed her mind. We are together now but I keep saying things that she says makes her question me and reminds me of her ex she left of 7 years the start of 2016. But we had another argument over text about her keep telling me about her ex’s and pasts. I told her it would of put me of and she flipped out questioning to be with me again I tried to say sorry and make her feel better. But she replied with leave me alone. I decided not to reply and I’ve done exactly what she has said and now I’m gonna try and wait for her reply I’ve had abit of trouble with this girl emotionally but I feel abit to much even though I know others would of ran from this.
Alexander Writer says
Wait a week, then contact her again. If things still don’t seem better, wait another week and contact her a FINAL time. If things are not better at that point, you have to leave her alone, my friend.
Nicholas says
Hello.
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and a few months and we recently, around two months, moved into our own place together. All went well for the first month then she suddenly changed and has been out partying without me. The problem isn’t the going out its the lack of communication when she does. She went out for an evening to go to a party looking amazing. More so than I’ve seen her for a while. Anyway I didn’t hear from her and she didn’t return home at all. No txts, nothing. I contact her and I’m pissed off that she didn’t let me know where she was or that she was ok.
A big thing that’s irking me is that we aren’t having sex and she doesn’t want to at all. She has asked for space because she feels like where like is going isn’t for her. Responsibility isn’t for her and all that. I’ve spoken with her and she brought up her last relationship where what I’m going through is what happened to her.
I’m flying back home in a couple days to see my family and friends. She wants to have some space to figure out whats going on so that time alone will be good as we live together.
I just feel like she has changed and I have no part in her life now. I understand that couples need to have a split between their own lives together. I know it sounds petty but her not wanting to sleep With me is really disheartening.
Up until this point life was great but I’m wondering if it’s worth continuing if she doesn’t, I don’t know, come to her senses about how she’s feeling. I feel like we are only friends now sharing a house. She hasn’t said that yet but it’s how I feel at the moment. Just friends, which is what a man and a women are when there is not intimacy.
Oh yeah and on a side note I offered her a massage and she flat out declined. Which was weird as she always lover to get a massage. I asked her and she said it was because she was tired. Which is strange because I offered and was not asking.
Please help me as I feel like my life right now is coming to an end and I don’t really want to lose her. Do I be patient and see how she is after a few more weeks to see if anything changes or do I move on when I get back after we talk again.
Thanks in advance.
Alexander Writer says
Nicholas,
It’s UNACCEPTABLE to be living with a woman and her not come home. It’s clear that she’s met someone else, my friend. I know this is the LAST thing you want to hear, but it’s better that I tell you now to save you time and additional pain. Break-up with her and move on. You deserve a lot better. She disrespected you in a way that’s unforgivable. When a women sleeps out of the house and ignores you, she lost all respect for the relationship. This is a HOPELESS situation. Move on, trust me.
Leo says
I’ve met a girl late last month and we got along incredibly well. We made out the first night and she was unsure if she wanted to pursue things further so we agreed to getting to know each other first.
We hung out the next weekend with other friends and again it was great. But then she had a busy and stressful week, so she needed time to herself to recharge. She wrote a social media post stating she needed space from all her friends, but kept replying to people. I was confused, so I sent her a few short messages over two days.
She snapped and said I was disrespecting her, and then slammed down the fact that she didn’t want a relationship with anyone at the moment. I guessed it was due to her stressful week, but I was still hurt hearing that.
We clarified things that were miscommunication between us, but its left us still rocky. I said things in my hurtful state that have upset and angered her. Last time we spoke, she asked for space and said “just wait to hear from me”.
I miss her terribly. I want her in my life. I feel that she’s starting to cut me off from her social media accounts. I’ve got a few medical issues pending that she knows about happening to.
Im in the dark about what to do. I see her online talking to friends in common and it hurts that I can’t say hello to her.
Please advise.
Alexander Writer says
Hi Leo,
I hate to have to be the one to tell you, but this woman isn’t interested in you. I know the feeling sucks, but the best advice I can give you is to move on and start meeting other women. When a woman reaches a point where she tells you “I need space” or “I’m not looking for anything serious right now”, it means that she either lost, or never had any attraction or interest in you. The good news is that you’re going to meet a woman that 10X better than her in every way. However, the longer you keep focusing on this woman, the longer it’s going to take you to meet the new one.
Adam says
I’m going through this situation with my (possibly soon to be ex) girlfriend now and I have been reading articles ALL DAY LONG. I NEVER leave comments about articles. But this made so much sense in such simplistic terms, I felt like I just stepped onto the planet for the first time. Relationships end. Life is about risks and if you were meant to be together, wouldn’t you be? Really, how much more simple could it be? In the end it’s a matter of acceptance as the serenity prayer says. Sometimes we forget that we were never in control in the first place and this will be no different. You may not get what you want but you will get what you need. Thank you for this breath of fresh air.
Alexander Writer says
Excellent comment, Adam. “You may not get what you want but you will get what you need” I love this!
John mina says
May girlfriend of 4 years and 3 months asked for space last Sunday. She’s medical student, currently a clerk, she’s currently in the medicine ward, which I hear by far the hardest during there clerk year. During this last day of march, we’re good together, seems like a normal couple. I went home to my province, because I haven’t been home for weeks. I promised her that I’ll be back in 3 days, but I wasn’t able to. It’s always like this, I keep on disappointing her. But I always make up to her. But still, it’s wrong as hell. I wasn’t able to help her cope up during her first day in the medicine ward, she was put under ton of stress. It may well be what triggered her to be distant for this past few weeks. During the first week, she’s been distant and angry towards me, 2nd week kinda solemn, but not as bad as the first week. I thought we were going to be okay, since I was being sweet to her and cooked here dinner, we also have intercourse that night. Then sunday came, before I met here, we texted like normal, with kiss emoji. Then during our meet, she seems troubled. We had sex, but atter that, she became silent, I asked her what’s wrong. She asked for space, because she felt that she wants to see if she can cope up without tor the time being, we became clingy in our relationship and became codepenent with each other. I may have spoiled her. Our relationship became routine, having no time for ourselves cause alway been together almost everyday. She felt that instead of having time for herself she felt oblige to just give it to me. I put effort and was willing to adjust despite her busy schedule and sex was all that she offer in exchange. I said, I contented for the time she can give despite even just a little. she consulted her friend, and her friend adviced her to ask space, I told her, that you could’ve just told me that, And I’m more than willing to give it you, (I was very reluctant my mind) but I really urderstand that she needed it so without hesitation I gave it to her. We did break up, she only needed space, and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me she said. We hugged and kiss before we part ways. And tomorrow came, she contacted me, because she was locked in her apartment and she forgot the keys in her coat that was left in thr hospital, so i fetch her coat and drop it to her apartment, we rode the same taxi going to town, she was sweet and touchy in the taxi, I didn’t reciprocate as much cause she in my mind she asked for some space. After droppig her off to the hospital, she text me “Thank you so much! :*” and followed by “fetch me tomorrow afternoon here at 5:00pm”. So I did, I met here the date she told, but when we met, I was greeted by an angry face, but when she talks to other people she smiles. While going home to their place, I ask her, are you still mad, she replied with I don’t know, I need sometime to think. So I replied with, If only I knew, I fetched your cause you said it yesterday. At her apartment, she was very cold and distant, I tried hugging her and she didn’t reciprocate. We part ways without even hugging or a simple i love you. We haven’t talked in 3 days, what should I do? How long is this space thing going to last? Will be back like we used to? It’s hard not talking to her, But I want to give her the space she need so I’m trying my best not to contact her. Can someone shed a light on this matter. Thank you,
John mina says
I’m sorry, I typed this post with my sweaty hands, I read it and found some errors. We didn’t break up. She told me that she only needed space, and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me anymore. She said that if she didn’t consult her friend she would’ve said we should break up, but her friend adviced her to just ask for some space, and we should thank her friend for suggesting that.
Alexander Writer says
Hi John,
When a women asks for space, the best thing to do is to give it to her. Will she come back? Maybe. Maybe not. Only time will my friend. You’re job now is to leave her 100% alone and let her come to you. If she doesn’t come back after 2-3 weeks, you’ll need to accept the reality that she’s gone. It’s going to suck at the beginning, but trust me that you’ll be fine.
Luke Shinton says
My girlfriend has asked for space. I’m finally doing just that and giving her her space but it’s so hard not to get in touch as I feel all I want is her affection and approval and then I’ll feel wonderful again. How can I get back to being a healthy individual who doesn’t depend on being in a stable relationship to feel good? I know having our own space is healthy on all parts, for my own well being, hers and the well being of our relationship but I’ve always been very selectively social and a bit introvertive so I have no idea how to turn things around. Please help!
Luke Shinton says
She’s literally all I can think about even when we was on really good terms so now we’re in this “stasis” period it’s even worse because I’m running with negative ideas and making myself worried sick, constantly feeling anxiety and just need to learn how to change my perspective and attitude towards things. Please help!
Alexander Writer says
Hi Luke,
You need to be strong, bud. I know it hurts, but the more you chase her, the more you’ll push her away. If she comes back, make sure you give her space on the regular. If she doesn’t come back, don’t worry, you’re going to be just fine. Time is the ONLY thing that will make you feel better. Just remember this, things don’t happen to you, they happen for you. Think about what that means and then think about your situation. Best of luck.
Steven44 says
I started seeing this girl 12 weeks ago. She’s separated (divorce almost final) and has two daughters. Things were great and she even told me she loved me. She was on vacation with her family for 8 days and every day she texted me and called me and kept me in the loop with how her trip was. I had flowers sent to her room and she was happy and said “that’s exactly what I needed” well she came home and we hung out on Monday and it was great. Tuesday she had a meeting with her attorney and she cancelled plans on me Tuesday night. She then started saying she was getting overwhelmed with the divorce, her new house being built and needs to just focus on being a good mother right now. She broke up with me ad said she just needs space and I’m very nice and sweet but it’s just “too much for her” right now. I sent her a nice text and she said it was sweet and so nice and she just didn’t have a response for it and neededspace. So I’ve given her that. I will not reach out to her. It’s tough because she’s great, but maybe she just is reallly too overwhelmed right now and told me it’s not fair to me and I shouldn’t have to take a back seat to her situation because that’s not what a good relationship is and I don’t deserve that. I can’t help but feel like something intimidating happened at the attorney meeting or possibly her ex said something (he’s very wealthy and perhaps he mentioned he’d fight harder in the divorce? My now ex gf doesn’t work. She was a stay at home mom) I know I need to just not contact her but her birthday is in 1 week (so that’ll be 8 full days of no contact if I don’t hear from her before then) so I’m wondering if what I’m doing by not contacting her is correct, and if a simple “happy birthday” text message is appropriate. I’m really hoping she’ll come back to me eventually but I’m not going to wait forever. Thoughts?
Alexander Writer says
Hi Steven,
Sorry you’re going through this, bud. Yes, something did happen at that attorneys office. My guess is that she and her ex talked about things and might have decided to work things out. But I could be VERY wrong. Maybe she really just needs to be alone. I know it’s hard, but don’t contact her. Let her come to you. If she doesn’t, don’t worry about it. You’ll eventually meet another women which you’ll like even more. You just can’t see it now because you’re so hung up on this girl.
Jay says
I’ve been together with my girl for 3 years. Sometimes it gets rocky but we still some how manage. Literally yesterday, we got into it bad because her girl “friend” told her that I had another woman in the car with me. My car is parked RIGHT NEXT to her friends car (both of our kids go to daycare together) so I cant see how she would lie about that. My girl called me on the phone and asked me “What b*tch did you have in the car”. Now im completely thrown off my this comment because I didn’t understand where this is coming from. So I asked her, “What the hell are you talking about?” She proceeds with the same question…it didn’t take me long to put 2 and 2 together to realize the only person who saw me yesterday was her friend. So I calmly tried to explain to her that was a lie.
She told my girl that the car she saw me in was white…my car is GREY! It a huge commotion and out of anger, I started to drive over there and I saw her at a n intersection ignoring my calls. We aregued in traffic for a good 15 mins and that was it. We didn’t really talk the rest of the night. the only msg she sent me was that “she a single woman, and I should be a single man”. I knew this could be out of anger so I declined to comment back and try to let the whole issue blow over. This morning, I texted her about what was going on and finally I got through to her. she realized that I was right and she did apologize for being how she was towards me. but she still said she needed space from yesterday. Im not too much of a rookie about space which I gave to her but I had to ask her, “Is this for everything to return to normal or is this a slow demise for the relationship to die.
She promptly told me its to go back to normal and all of the arguing took a toll on her for the past few months. She doesn’t mind texting me but for some reason she doesn’t want to video chat nor speak with me on the phone. Starting now im thinking about giving her at least week to calm down a bit and sort stuff out then gently ease back to her. she has still mentioned getting married and such and says she doesn’t want anyone else. What should I do? Am I doing the right thing and does it seem very likely that she isn’t going anywhere and this is just a minor set back? any advice, replies or wisdom is greatly appreciated.
Stefan says
My lady asked for some time off, she said we can text and talk once a day time permitting. Should I stay in touch or just leave her alone ’til she will decide what to do. How long?
Reason: two months ago I wrote her a stupid text about her family. When she was a ten years old (she and her older was abused by her dad, her younger sister who wasn’t abused agree with me that her mother had to know.
Two months ago on my birthday morning she calls me and apologized that her mother made plans for her to attend a family function. I was not happy that she succumbed to her family plans for her,instead of sticking to our plans for the day.
She is devastated over the comment I made and she can’t get over. We dragged it for two months with no improvement. We had the perfect relationship in every aspect. We had plans to get married at the end of the year.
Can you shed some light on this situation?
Alexander Writer says
Hi Stefan,
Leave her alone. If you son’t hear from her in 2-3 weeks, it’s time to start letting go. But don’t worry, whether she cones back or not, you’ll be fine. There are a TON of women waiting to date you. Don’t ever forget that.
Damien proberts says
Wow this is the realist stuff ever. Your 100% right. She said she needed to be alone for awhile and I asked if she would come back to me and she said idk not anytime soon or may be a long time , I asked if I should move on and she said “I’m saying don’t wait. It may not happen for a long time and I don’t want you to stop living your life. I’m sorry” you know what that means. It wasn’t a yes and it wasn’t a no. I needed her to be blunt and she was when she blocked me on everything …
Alexander Writer says
Hi Damien,
Don’t worry about it, bud. It happens to all of us. We live, make mistakes, learn, and move forward. The most important thing now is that you never make the same mistake again. There’s MILLIONS of women out there RIGHT NOW waiting for you to meet them. Forget about this one girl and move on to the next.
Carlo says
My girl and I had broken up. I hurt her badly and she broken up with me. I wanted to fix it but she said she can’t anymore. I’ve hurted her many times and its enough. So I tried to beg her to come back and she said no. I tested her and asked if she wants to be friends, she said sure theres no problem with that. But I didnt accept it. The next day I tried to win her back again but she said she wanted space to think about things.
So I read this article and gave her space. No contact at all.
After about 4days she contacted my friend asking how I was, Then the next day after that she contacted me saying she still loves me.
But her phone is broken (she even sent me a picture of it) and she was using her friends phone to tell me this and she can’t contact me until she get’s her phone fixed. She asked me If I could still wait for her. She said I still love you many times, and called me babe again.
After that I have no contact to her up until now 5days has gone, Yet I see her online through my friends phone. Can you help me man? Do I wait? or Is she playing games?
Jonny says
This girl asked me out and i came to love her, i now asked her for serious relationship bt she said no with no reason plz what should i do
Alexander Writer says
Forget about her and move on. Trust me thats the best thing you can do. Don’t waste your time. You can’t convince a woman to like you. She either does or she doesn’t. But don’t be hard on yourself. There can be a MILLION different reasons why she’s not interested. So don’t start assuming bad things about yourself.
James says
My girlfriend of 9 months cancelled on me Thursday saying that she didn’t feel like going out. Tried calling her Thursday and she ignored the call. Didn’t hear from her Friday. I Tried calling her Saturday. She didn’t pick up again but texted me right away saying ther her nephew was in a car accident on Thursday and that he was in critical care and that she was very worried and needs time and she would contact me later. How long should I wait? Why wouldn’t she tell me that Friday and why wouldn’t she pick up her phone? You think she would want to confide in her boyfriend? I have some valuables at her place. How long do I wait until I ask for my stuff back? Is this acceptable behavior?
Abhey says
married coworker woman is facing lots of office politics, and people in our office keep on talking about our relationship, and she told me to stay away for some time, we don’t even call and not even we meet.Could you please suggest me, what my situation is?
Alexander Writer says
Hi Abhey,
I’d leave her alone and find someone else. Preferably, a woman that’s not married. It will require a lot less hassle and effort on your part. Plus, you’ll probably get to spend more time with her, and prevent any issues at work. I’m giving you the same advice I’d give a close friend.
Ian says
I’m in that standard position we’ve read a hundred times. We were together about 2.5 years. Met when we were both separated, both finalized our divorces while together. Our kids get along amazingly well. We were talking forever. Things were really great but perhaps I got a little too comfortable and took her for granted. She readily admits she is a needy girl and that her ex really screwed her up. They were together almost 20 years. So a couple weeks ago, she just ends things saying she needs space to clear her head and figure out what’s going on.
She has alot of things happening. She goes back to work full time for the first time in 20 years soon. As mentioned she’s also very needy. She said that while when we were together, she loved every minute (we could only see each a couple times a week because of kids and life) when I wasn’t around she felt like I didn’t love her. Which is so far from the truth. I adore her. She says that she can’t live her life waiting for a text from a man to determine her happiness. She want’s to stand on her own and figure out who she is and not have to rely on a man to make her happy.
I completely understand. It’s her issue. I only want her to be happy. But that doesn’t change the fact that this happened so suddenly. She was hysterical the night she did this and the next day we texted a bit and she said that “she loved me so much – loves me so much – I don’t know, I have to figure this out.” She’s also said that while she feels she needs to this on her own she doesn’t want to lose me and that we have something so special and that she loves me more today than when we first said it. But then she says it’s not fair to me to ask me to wait for her. She said – go date. The thought of that makes me ill. I love her completely.
I left her alone. And it’s been about a week since I’ve had any contact with her. Yesterday she sent me a text to thank me for a donation I made for her cousins fundraiser. her cousin told her about it. I just said your welcome and left it at that.
Now I don’t know what to do.
Ali says
I really had to go to my appointment yesterday and I felt you thought I was still making excuses.
I will admit it’s hard for me because you know I’ve never done anything like this and it even took me a while to get used to speaking to you if you remember so it’s a bit hard for this but I’m not putting you off when meeting up intentionally Allah knows that if no one else believes it.
I think I need to take a few days to my self alone please to bring myself round the idea.
That’s what she sent so I was wondering is there any hope that she’ll come back to me
AY says
well my case is different from others i really love this girl i think of her always we have been friends for 3yrs now and have asked her out 3 times but she says no the 3rd time she said there is no need of going to a relationship that might not last …..although she texted to tell me that so i later sent my last message to her that i wasnt just looking for a gf that i was looking for something better than that, so after that day which was on the 14 of last month i didnt call her didnt call me but earlier this week i think about her alot so what can i do sir?
Anonymous says
Ahh, that helped me a lot! We have been for a year together and we worked and live together for 90% of this year due to life consequence. I have been doubting her a lot during this year and we had so many extreme arguments with crying and etc. , but every time during this one-year fights we were getting together because we love each other so so much and we care for each other so much. I have moved to a new city because of studying 2 months ago, since then we had fights every single week.Then every weekend I was commuting to her city and fixing the things, but our fights got to a point, 2 weeks ago, where she was crying every second night of the week on the phone and we had conversations for 3-4 hours in fights and extreme arguments which affected her studies a lot. At the end, she told me not to contact her (2 weeks ago) where the first week I was contacting her every day (sometimes being mean to her another time to try to fix the things but I felt like it is just making it worse doesn’t matter what I say)
Now I haven’t contacted her for 3 days and want to keep it in this way, but I love this woman because she brings up the best in me and I don’t want to lose her from my life. I have a lot of issues from my past life and past relationship (I had 5 years relationship with a girl where we were ready to engage until I found her cheating on me for a year with her best friend and I constantly think of me being cheated now) which she is aware of. I’m finally going to a specialist to talk about my issues because I can’t control my emotions very well, but I really hope to change and get her back :(. I think not to contact her at all but I would like to send her a little gift for Christmas (few photos of us and a card with a nice message) just to let her know that I still want her and love her. Then I will suggest to meet her around the mid of January and talk about everything as I’m trying to change and fix the issues that I have from my past.
Do you think there is still any chance or she may have enough of my constant accusations and arguments?
We were so so in love with each other and this year felt as we have been for 5 years together, but we were extremely mean to each other too, during the whole relationship when we had fights.
Sometimes I think that we are just contagious for each other and this cannot work doesn’t matter what we do 🙁
Matthew says
Hey, great article, thanks for putting it years ago, it is all relevant now.
I found it because my Girl asked for Time, not space. I’m confused, I think it could be the same thing.
Long story short; I screwed up, I posted a meme on insta saying can’t trust anyone but your self and she was part of it for letting me down. But I wasn’t aware she let me down because she had a very sick family member and her work was very stressful at that time too.
Be it as it may, I know I screwed up, I apologized profusely took Flowers over to her house and told her I loved her, I know I did wrong and it would never happen again.
She questioned me, “then what about next time when you screw up?” ..
She offered me only a hug and no kiss. no Closeness.. and said, ‘I need time’
so here I am stuck..
thanks
matt
Billy says
I’ve been with my wife for 8 years (married 2 years) and she accepted her dream job 1500 miles away. I moved her out there and was very supportive. She even went so far as to tell people that she was lucky to have me because I was so supportive.
She has been out there 3 months and I went to visit for Thanksgiving and the second night I was there she sat me down and told me she still loves me very much, but is not in love with me anymore. I asked her several times if there was somebody else, but she insisted that wasn’t the case. She has a really close guy friend, but says it’s just friendly and nothing more. It was a very emotional week. She suggested I leave early so I did.
Before I left she told me that she really did love me, just not romantically, and if we do split that I shouldn’t beat myself up about it. She also told me that I can call her if I needed to talk.
During my drive back home she messaged me several times to make sure I was ok – she told me she loved me, etc. When I got back home we texted back and forth a few days the standard “I love you” messages. I decided to call her to ask her to maybe remember the good times and she pushed me off the phone. She didn’t contact me for two days. So I messaged her and told her that I hope she was doing ok and that I love her and she responded that she “cared about me” and that she needed space and hoped that I understand. We talked the next day and I told her that I respect her space and will wait for her to come to me and wanted to be clear that I’m not suggesting we split and she thanked me.
It’s been a week and no communication. It’s like torture. I love her. I don’t know if reaching out to her after 2 weeks is such a good idea, but I also don’t appreciate being “dangled” out there. Limbo is such a difficult place to be because it’s hard not to get lost in my own mind. I keep imagining her being involved with her guy friend, but I keep reminding myself “why would she just not let me go so we can be on with our lives”?
How long should I wait? I’ve heard so much different advice here. Some has been to just take command and get on with my life and others have said if it takes 2 years that she’s worth it. Not knowing is the worst.
Matt says
So this girl I’m with told me she didn’t want a relationship. But after a few months of us talking she tells me she wants some space. I found it hard to process at first but now I’m starting to go with it. I don’t hit her up unless she hits me up. She still has feelings for her ex I know that much but just want a better understanding on what’s going on with us, she said she has love for me but doesn’t want any attachments rn. I understand a lot but could you tell me something that I don’t know?
Wil Pineda says
My girlfriend and I Broke up October 14, 2017. She broke up with me bc of stuoid mistakes I made such as in every argument I would call her ugly names and yelled at her in every argument. Now that she’s gone I know I need to work on my anger problem and control and think before saying something mean that I don’t mean. But anyway after the breakup I right away wanted to fix things I begged her, I tried to talk to her parents and tell them what I did, but I only made it worse on myself. In the end she told me that there was never going to be an us bc of the things I did to move on. This 2 months have passed and we saw each other again and I was sick at work so she brought me tea and that made me mad bc she told she didn’t care for me but anyway at this point she said she wants time and space and that she still has hope of us having something, that she still loves me but to give her time she doesn’t know how long maybe a few months that she will contact me back, but she doesn’t want me to contact her at all. And that’s my dilemma that idk what to do bc I feel like I stop all contact from her she will move on and stop loving me . What can I do ? Is this really over ? Is her plan just to do this and kill her feelings towards me and move on ? Help !
Anonymous #2 says
Here’s my question, oh and thanks for posting this also, all the comments really helped my situation my question to you is,,,, I been with this girl for abt idk 2/3 months and man,,,, we talked everyday all day we hung out every weekend I stayed at her house but! Now all of a sudden she gives me the silent treatment…the past few days cold and lonely I really want her to be in my life.. however, she did just have her dog put to sleep today but this started awhile back with being so distanced.. I drive myself crazy how can you tell it’s ok to fall in love you and your safe and…. I’m yours I’m not going anywhere to this distance she gives me now? I mean, I really do care for her 🙁 please help me I’m hurting bad.. and never felt like this for anyone
Thank you,,
Dante says
Man I’m really greatful for this article because this is a first for me. My girl and I had been arguing for a while over not spending time together, in the beginning she was really busy with school and I understood and respected that but then while she was on break she kept making excuse after excuse on why we couldn’t get together, well I finally snapped and hit her with the “if you want me in your life you can come find me until then continue treating me like I don’t exist” kinda line and she sent me this, what I thought was a genuine & heartfelt long apology text saying that I’m a big part of her life and that she missed me so we made plans to spend an entire weekend together and she told me she was sick and that it was really cold so she didn’t think it’d be a good idea but then on New Year’s Eve I saw her with an old guy friend of hers on Snapchat going out and we got in another heated argument and needless to say it got pretty ugly I know we were both wrong because I can be very hurtful and aggressive (not physically) when I’m frustrated and I was just wondering it’s been a week since she asked for space and we haven’t spoken should I still wait two weeks before contacting her in the way you said or should I just wait completely for her to reach out? Thanks allot in advance you were really helpful in your article.
Ryan cogswell says
Hey my ex broke up with me day after Christmas said I lied to her but I didn’t and she won’t give me the chance to prove that to her I tried letting her be but it’s killing me sent her a message today apologized again and asked to start fresh maybe be friends for a while but I miss her she wrote back said I need to leave her alone we will never be anything and threatened a restraining order what do I do I want her back so badly
Basherti says
Hi been talking to a girl for about 7 months and she kinda got pissed at me two weeks cos I teased/pushed her buttons. Apologised with a note in her favorite perfume that I already got for her. She says it’s cool but she’d appreciate some space and I said that’s fine. Do I still text her or I should wait to hear from her?
Vic says
This is BS. Don´t put up with the “I need more space” crap guys. How selfish can you be to use this phrase as an excuse of your own inability to trust your partner?
You need more space? Fine, farewell. I take my love to somebody who cares and respects, somebody who treats me like an equal and not like a chunk of cheese stored in the cellar for ripening. Enjoy your drama.
Alexander Writer says
Thanks for sharing Vic.
Anonymous says
Does she still want to be with me? I’ve been dating this woman for a couple of weeks now. We use to date years ago. But we reconnected. She says she needs space. But when we reconnected she and her children had no where to go. So I got a place for us. We’ve always loved each other and we make each other happy. But lately she says she needs space. I mean we spend everyday together because I watch her kids after school and I pick them up before I go to work. Her kids love me to death and I know she does. But maybe I’m just over thinking? When she tells me she loves me I can see in her eyes she means it. But I’m just afraid of losing her. Because she’s so amazing and I can’t picture myself without her.
Mike says
I have been telling her everything about my family I was being open and honest with her. My aunt and my uncles were asking questions about her and so forth Etc. And I was joking around one day on how I want to get married and have kids and see if she would get off birth control she told me that she couldn’t have any more children so it upset her and she said that we are rushing things and I was making a joke out of it and she got very upset and asked for space. All the memories that we have are always good memories such as movies dinners lunch brunch breakfast massaging her feet taking care of her every time we go out. I’m just afraid of may have lost the most beautiful thing in the world. And when I was texting her I would always text you good morning honey other good morning my angel it’s been a long time since she’s been with anyone and I’m afraid that I’ve made push her away with everything I’ve done I was just trying to make her happy.
Bill says
Hello i am in the same situation I have been talking over the phone and face time for about 4 years she lives overseas last september I made my move flew to the country that she’s living in. I proposed to her she accepted it stayed there for one week we had fun. 3 days ago on the 19th of February 2018 in the morning i text her to say hello she called me back very I felt she was very cold Towards me I asked what is the matter she said i am tired than i asked her maybe you should relax little bit she said ok fine and she hangs up the phone.day after she text me and said I can’t talk because you don’t want to hear me. I need few days for myself.
Of course all our communication is on Viber app….
So what do i do in this situation?
Marc says
My divorce was final on March 6th. One week before it was final, I met a girl. I am 48 and she is 39. I told her I would not go out with her until my divorce was final. I didn’t think that would be fair to either of us. So we started dating after that. She was married for 16 years and divorced in 2016. She jumped right into a relationship right after her divorce, and that relationship ended with him leaving her 3 weeks before I met her. She told me that, that relationship was harder than her marriage to let go. She said we need to take things slowly because she still had feelings for this guy, I said no problem, I understand. Everything has been going great for about a month, and then right before we were to go out one Saturday night, she said she didn’t think we should go out because she sees herself feeling for me very quickly, and she needs to slow things down because she just got out of a relationship. We had been taking it slow, I thought. A few hours later she texted me and said she was sorry and didn’t know why she freaked out. I asked if she was still interested and she said yes. So we continued to date and everything has been going great. She has 3 teenager’s and I have 2. We can only go out on weekends and we text each other every day many times a day. I really like her and everything about her. From what she has told me and what I read of her, she really likes me too. We have been taking it slowly for two months now, we have kissed only 5 times, and only once passionately and that was the first time. After the first time she told me she liked kissing me and wished she could have kissed me more. The other kisses we’re just goodbye kisses, as we just were not in a place to kiss pationately more. So last week she seemed distant all week. She didn’t respond to my texts as quickly as she always did, and when she did repond, they were different than her usual responses. I texted her Friday night and asked if she was ok, and she said yes, just watching a movie. It was late and so I didn’t say anything else. Saturday morning I texted her good morning, and she responded with good morning. Then she texted me this:
. I am sorry but I don’t think I can do this anymore. You are a super sweet guy and I really like you. But if I’m 100% honest, I’m not over my ex and probably never will be. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I know you will meet someone great, I don’t want to hold you back. I’m sorry!
I texted her back a couple of times saying we can go as slow as she wants, and that I really like her and don’t want this to end. I asked her if I did something or said something that pushed her away.
She responded with:
Im not ready for this, I am going through a hard time right now and I need time to myself.
I texted a few more times explaining how much I like her and that I do have feelings for her. She responded with:
I’m just not ready for this. I thought things would get easier but they are getting harder. I need to figure things out.
I texted a couple more times on Saturday but no response so I stopped.
Then Sunday I texted her that she was special and that I am going to give her time to think about what she really wants, and that I will text her at a later date. I said if she wants to contact me, please do it any time.
She responded:
Ok, thank you.
I know she really likes me, we had a connection. She even said she really likes me in her first text to me on Saturday. She has been honest with me from the beginning about trying to get over this other guy.
I think there is a chance that if I give her this space, that she will start to miss me and contact me, at least I hope so.
What do yo think of my situation?
Jeffrey says
Hello I have been dating this woman 8 months now. She was married 10 years and then divorced has two daughters from that passed marriage. And she has a two and a half year old son from a past relationship that she recently ended before me and her got together. She’s 33 and I’m 33 she’s got experience as being a parent and a mother of three children me I’ve never had children and was never a stepparent. Me and her have been having a lot of breakups off and on because of how she wants her child raised and doesn’t seem that I’m meeting those expectations and looking out for their safety and their well-being. Me and her have been going through a lot. I have screwed up a lot and she’s gave me a lot of chances and I’m on my very last leg of my last chance. Because of my past I have been deflecting lies it’s been real hard for me to tell the truth when she ask is about things. We have been dating since August of last year. We have been considered a serious relationship and we are trying to pursue moving to where her daughters are located so she could be closer to them. But I currently been supporting her financially and I’m just trying to make sure I did not make a bad decision cuz I pay for her cell phone bill I pay for a car payment I hope to get a car loan even helped her get a license so she should be able to have a job. But what bothers me the most is I love this woman more than anything in this world. And I just keep on making the same mistake of deflecting the truth with her and all she asks is me to be honest and upfront with her if I made a mistake I just say I’m sorry and there’s no argument. I have been deflecting the truth with her for quite a while but I did not know I was doing that until about a month back. I am currently living in my car for us to save money so we can move where her daughters are from her past marriage. While she’s on the other coast of Florida her and her son they do have a roof over their head I did not want them to be homeless in the car with me.
I am currently full time employee that one job I’m trying to get another job. But what happened the other day as I told her that I changed I’m trying to speak the truth I deflected the truth on the day she was actually seeing if I could prove that I changed. Before that night in the hotel Us as a family everything was good we are focused on her plans of moving together and getting stuff for a place and trying to get a house loan was talking about our future plans together. I feel like I royally screwed up. And that puts us up to speed now she’s not so sure that she can trust me anymore currently she does not want to see me right now I’m just giving her her space and not contacting her. She said there is no guarantees that we will get back together again but she said we will see if I start speaking the truth around her I have to prove otherwise she doesn’t ever want to see me again. So how do I fix the situation and how do I prove to be speaking the truth around her and not deflecting by lying so really want to be with her the rest of my life and I know she does with me also but I got a lot to prove to be trustworthy.
Mike says
I’ve been dating this girl for a little over a month. We’ve known each other for about five years but we never hung out or anything like that. We used to train in the gym together. My wife and I are in the middle of a divorce. It’s not nasty, but we are getting a divorce, end of story. I’ve been living on my own for nearly five months. My girlfriend has been separated from her ex-boyfriend for about 8 months now but she is still struggling with it. He was HORRIBLE to her. Cheated on her with dozens of women, ruined her credit, destroyed her car… you name it. Total scumbag.
So here is where the problem begins. She and I got together initially just to hang out because we hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. We had a blast and then went on three more dates (some small, one huge and fancy). She started telling me how much she liked me, how attractive I am, that she hasn’t liked a guy in this way in years, I’m amazing, etc. She told her daughter about me and, according to her, several of her friends. She went on vacation for a week with her daughter and family and texted me the entire time she was away. Saying how much she missed me, blah blah blah. When she got back into town, we got together the next day. We had a great time and wound up sleeping together. She said she was my girlfriend, was excited… the whole nine yards. Everything was going amazingly well, much better than I ever anticipated.
Here’s where it gets tricky. The very next night, I went to her apartment but she told me that she was freaking out and was having terrible anxiety about us being serious. Said she doesn’t want to be hurt by me and basically has so much residual damage from that bastard she used to date. I spent the night, though nothing between us happened. We hung out the next night and had a great time. From there, though, she pushed me away for a little over a week and avoided seeing me. The odd part is, she texted me all day, every day; just never saw me during that time.
Finally, we got back to seeing each other again and we always have a blast when we are together. This past week alone, we were together four different times and had tons of fun. However, she talks about the torment her ex did to her more than I’d like and that sonofabitch won’t stop calling and texting her (for some reason she won’t block the guy and he has moved out of the state). And during one long conversation, she said that she’d be stupid to lose me, but she wants to take things slowly.
We haven’t slept together since that one night. She is always very affectionate toward me when we are together where she is always hugging and embracing me and we do kiss quite a bit. We both initiate the kissing (I initiate more than she) but it’s rarely ever full-blown make-out sessions and she basically pulls away to stop it from going any further. I never, ever force anything as I respect her wishes and don’t want to be a creep. But when we are together, it’s as if we are boyfriend-girlfriend.
The thing that bothers me the most is that I’ve completely fallen for her. I know she likes me a lot because she wouldn’t be going out with me. She ALWAYS texts me, but the strange thing is that she has stopped flirting with me on the texts (no compliments, no sexy talk, etc). She always tells me how appreciative of me she is and everything I do. She is struggling badly by not having a great job at the moment and she is stressing out beyond belief because of bills and not getting hired after a few dozens job interviews. I want to give her plenty of space, but she is always texting me and vice versa. She doesn’t ever blow me off in that manner, but she’s not quite the same woman that I fell for.
I’m getting mixed signals from her and I dread falling into the friend zone. I’m always there for her emotionally and I never allow her to pay for anything when we’re out because of her job situation. Her past is horrific (lost both parents and then lost her brother as well) from these terrible ex boyfriends who all cheated on her plus her job situation is causing her so much stress. I offer to help take care of her, but she’s got so much pride and basically refuses to allow me to help.
She said she doesn’t want the pressure of a relationship right now and needs to get her head straight, that she needs help mentally. I don’t know what to do. I think I’m wasting my time.
Jim says
My wife of 15 years said she doesn’t love me 7 months ago ! we have 2 small children since then I moved out and promised to fight for her love again
She said she wants me to change and fall in love again
I’ve lost weight paid the bills and spent 7 months thinking and trying to win her back
I did think she was having an affair after catching her texting another guy
Now I’ve managed to get a date and take her out and spoil her but she’s been acting strange week prior to date
And told me back off take things slowly and give her space .but will still let me take her out
I want her and my family back but just have a gut feeling it’s someone else is this normal to keep me in suspense for this long
She concentrates a lot more now on how she looks than when we was together
She more over weight than me and does not send me flowers or gifts like I send her
Also has been snapping at everything I do or say recently
I’m confused as to whether I have a chance ?
And my date is still on
Rick says
Hi There,
My girlfriend of 7 years has requested space and still needs time.. long story short — to.. to be fair i haven’t treated her the best in the sense of showing her i care, being supportive, & even hanging out with her. her mom has cancer and has been going through treatments for a few years now. I haven’t been over to her house in over 2 weeks, and even her parents started inquiring to my GF, whats up with him and started assuming things. GF would always try and cover me saying hes tired , busy etc.. however now she has gotten fed up herself and is hurt. Sometimes she would beg for me to go see her but would turn her down ( believe me i was being a dick for no reason) .. anyways this past Sunday, Feb 3rd – she met up and she told me all the reason’s , there was a lot but mentioned a couple above, basically the way I don”t show love nor care in the relationship — been different etc.. — we cried, kissed twice and was even holding her hand reaffirming her that we will get through this although i don’t agree with the break, i understand — i did ask her for a timeline and she wast sure, i asked her about social media – if were removing all our pics and relationship status and she said I’m not but u can do what u want.. (giving u little extra so you have an idea ) .. i couldn’t wait so i messaged her Wed, Feb 06th saying hey, how are you, thinking of you , drive safe, roads are bad (there was a snow storm) she replied very dry saying ” hey, I’m good thanks, just got home okay thanks. i replied that’s good how was work ? she said it was good thanks then I replied lastly by saying, well i wanted to get this off my chest and let you know, that I was a complete dick to you for a few months. trying to act all big and tough, i was immature with both my actions and words. when you would be killing with kindness, I would by being rude or big- when really i was really hurting myself by pushing you away. I also apologize my actions toward your family as well, as i treated them the same whereas they treat me like there own son. I”m truly sorry for my actions and behavior and I can also see that I wasn’t there for you nor your family and that’s unacceptable especially with what your family is going through … she replied saying ” i appreciate your apology and I’m happy to hear that your actions are starting to sink in. but I still you to respect what you talked about on Sunday about the break. It was a lot today and your family messaged me 3 times today and your grandma made me very emotional. I still need time. I replied saying, i was unaware that my family messaged you and do apologized that my grandma made you emotional. and i also respect you decision about the time as we talked about on Sunday. that’s it —- I was not aware that my family messaged her as well–sooo any other advice your could provide on this ? also doesn’t help that Valentines day is this Thursday – should i deliver her flowers still with a card and note? should i not doing anything at all and let her message me ? (you don’t think she would get upset that I didn’t do anything ) just make it’s hard becuz she did request the space.
Tazon Keels says
Hi my name is Taye,, i been dealing with this girl i met for almost a whole year but recently like two months ago she decided to block me she told me a few times that she didnt want to talk about why we stopped dealing with eachother but the only reason i kept bringing it up is because i was in my feelings i can admit as a man i was hurt but not even that compared to when she blocked me after a couple of days of us not speaking and iwas giving her space but then one day i called her and i asked her why she never texted me back or anything and she said it was cuz i would say i miss her which i did then after that call i asked if we could talk later that night so she blocked me on social media and both my numbers i havent talked to her since and the thing about it is i was nothing but peaceful and positive when i reached out to her but she still decided to ignore me and basically i was shocked because i thought we still had a genuine respect for each other at least to where we could talk and keep in touch but nope….the messed up thing is i cant get this girl out my head yet cuz i thought we were better than that ….if you see this ALEXANDER WRITER please give me some insight nd advice on this situation
Brandon says
So how do you reach back out after they say don’t contact them again? None of my msgs were mean but I know it was pathetic made me look weak. She even txtd me saying do not try to call or txt her anymore because I’m forcing her to block my number! That i crossed the line with all my messages and she didn’t know what else to do but block me. I’m sorry you’re hurting but i do wish you the best. Which why even bother to tell me that? Then of course i reached out on IG and got blocked there with Her last message saying – Please stop! you don’t respect anyone, not even yourself at this point. Do not contact me again! It’s been three weeks so far and I haven’t tried reaching out in anyway. Do I mail a letter accepting the break and that I understand? Do I wait and hope she unblocks or comes to me? I’ve read so many different things. I’d have to mail the letter to her work which not sure if that’s a stalker creepy move. I feel if I had backed off when she needed space and time to figure her own shit out then this would be fine. But I kept pushing and pushing because I panicked and I knew I was screwing up. I’m going to therapy and really working on me. Have major insecurity issues from my past which kept me from treating her the way I really wanted and deserved, so I understand why she needed to step away. When she ready to move forward I wasn’t and then when i realized I was she wasn’t because she felt she was the only one putting into the relationship. I think if I can resolve my anxiety/insecurity problems I’d be able to have a great relationship with her. But I don’t know what to do now that I’m full block and she got that upset. Advice? Any hope after this?
Aracelly says
Wow!
Alex love content and advice!
XOXO
Aracelly
Alexander Writer says
Thank you!