*If you want to speak to me directly and get my advice on your specific situation, click here to download my book and email me to my secret email address on the last page. I’ll respond within 24-48 hours.
So here you are…
Dating a girl you really like.
Everything is going great except for one thing:
You don’t trust her.
There can be a thousand different reasons for this.
Maybe she’s flirty.
Maybe she’s really attractive and gets hit on a lot.
Maybe you lack self-confidence and feel that she’ll want someone “better”.
Whatever the reason, the fact is that you don’t trust her.
And it’s more than a fact; it’s turning into a problem.
You get mad when she is out with friends.
You don’t like her going places without you.
You feel insecure when she’s not around and wonder what she’s doing.
…and so on.
First of all, understand one thing:
A relationship without trust is pointless.
If you don’t trust her, then what’s the point?
You don’t have faith in her.
Why are you wasting your time?
You’re going to drive yourself CRAZY worrying daily.
Second of all, if a woman is destined to cheat on you…she will.
Whether she cheats on you while out with her friends, at work, or with some guy who comes to see her when you’re not around…
She’ll cheat on you.
Why is this important to know?
Because if a woman wants to cheat, she’ll find a way.
There’s really no way to prevent it.
And if you think controlling and telling her not to go out is going to work…
You’re wrong.
Hell, if anything, it’s going to increase the chance of her cheating.
Why?
Because she’ll be turned off by your lack of confidence and insecurity.
She wants a man, not an insecure boy who’s scared to lose her.
This is something that I talk about inside my book (click here to download your copy now).
Remember…
There’s a HUGE difference between wanting a woman and needing her.
When you have fear of losing a woman, she knows it.
…and she sure as hell does NOT find it sexy.
So what do you do?
You want to trust her, but don’t know how.
Well, unfortunately the only option you have is to get over it.
Well, you also have the option of breaking up with her but I’ll explain below why that’s a dumb idea.
This is something EVERY guy in a relationship must accept.
You risk wasting your time dating her because she might disappoint you.
But that’s what a relationship is all about!
You have faith things will work.
If they don’t, you accept it and move on.
But you can’t live your whole life in fear and not trusting your girlfriend.
You’ll never have a normal relationship that way.
All you’re going to do is push her away.
And breaking up with her is only going to lead her to date someone else.
How do you think that’s going to make you feel?
You broke up with your girlfriend because you thought she was cheating, you didn’t have any proof, and now she’s with someone else.
Do you see where this is headed if you don’t stop worrying?
If you really like her and she hasn’t given you a VALID reason not to trust her, it’s time you get over it.
-Alexander Writer
Bela says
I really wish getting over it was that simple
Alex (Administrator) says
As soon as you make peace with the fact that the past is the past and there is absolutely NOTHING you,me, or any one can do to change it; it’ll be that much easier to “get over it”.
You’ll know someone is really worth it when their past doesn’t bother you. When you really like someone, things of that nature don’t concern you. Think about it…
-Alex
harold aragon says
how do I build my trust on her ?
Alex (Administrator) says
Harold,
The most you can do is try to really get to know her before making her your girlfriend. At the end of the day, you’re not always going to be with her. You have to decide whether you’ll be able to trust her or not when she isn’t physically next to you. Just remember that if you break up with her because you don’t trust her, you’ll be pushing her into another guy’s arms. Building trust takes time.
-Alex
lil-freak says
Hi I’m having difficulty trusted the woman I’m seeing, I don’t think it helps that we/she broke up with me and that I hadn’t heard from her for months before getting a message from her. We are trying again put I can’t get over the hurt from last time and I can’t trust her that it won’t happen again. There has been something that happened and I want to believe her but I can’t, some of her actions haven’t matched her words and then there was last week, I hadn’t heard from her all week and my message went ignored. She’s been in touch now but as much as I’m trying to believe her I’m struggling to do so. So my question is, is it my issue about our past or is it because of certain actions from her added on top of what had happened in the past?
Edward says
I have a girlfriend. I trust her very much when it comes loyalty. Only thing is when I question her about certain things she gets offended. Example: I asked “You think you can do this temporary relationship until we settle.” Note that we live 2 1/2 hours away. We make weekend visits. Anyways she took that question as if I didn’t trust her feelings about staying with me. Why?
Alex (Administrator) says
People ask questions when they aren’t sure about something. Since you asked her, it made her feel as if you weren’t sure about her.
Simon says
Hi Alex!
Those comments where very nice to read, I go with faith and trust when I get into a relationship. “But”..
If I may ask, I’d love to get your input to see if my insecurity was justified or not. (I share my bit of painful life with you)
I met my Ex-Girlfriend through my best friend. They met through work as colleagues and eventually they became friends before I met her. She was constantly with him at the hospital, she confide in him about her past relationship (15 years with a Narcissist she said) and then they have, every 3 months, a job meeting where they sleep over for one night after their work.
So.. My best Friend’s mom told us that she feels that my ex-girlfriend began to have feelings for my best friend. The thing is, he was into a relationship, but was about to let her go.. so I don’t know if he had plans to be with my ex-girlfriend as a replacement.. when asked he was telling everyone she’s ugly, short hair, fat ass, not her type.. So I said to myself: hey she seems interesting, I said to him that I wanted to know more about her and that we should setup a couple dinner.
He was kinda shocked and tried to ‘persuade’ me not to go with her? Saying: she’s not even your type! she has a fat ass and short hair, we have the same types you and me! I was like, well, seems you were mistaken into my types. He added: she has 2 daughters! You always told me you wanted a girl with no kids! I told him, yeah but everyone can change right? I was 41 years old at the time, so.. I just felt she was good for me and I wanted to know her a bit more..
We made a dinner, she mentioned to my friend that only 3 months have passed since her 15 years.. so she wasn’t ready to commit into a relationship. i was fine with that, letting things go with the flow..
So we had dinner, theater, we found out we share some same stuff (playing online games, cinema, etc..) So we hooked up more and more.. then one day, she’s from France so I thought it was their way of saying I love you.. she said: me and my daughter begins to get really attached to you.. So I was this as being open, and then I said, why not? I said I love you.. she.. was in shock.. and it was awkward.. (I learned later on that she asked behind my back to my best friend if I was Emotionally dependent) so she said it and we got together since then.
Thing were great for 2 months (or so I thought?) Then one night, having dinner with my best friend alone.. his love life was on the rocks, unhappy.. he asked me: how’s things with your girlfriend? I said: awesome! (i was out of a relationship since 10 years) so.. instead of saying: I’m happy for you.. he said: You are lucky to be with her, because at our last meeting, she was passed-out drunk, I had to bring her in my arms to her room, and I would have slept with her and today I would be the one with her, not you!
I was.. shocked, devastated.. this guy I know from 20 years, my heart and trust fully open to him.. and he stabbed me?
(we have to think here that he might have resented me for cutting through his plans.. his ex and I were close friend before, and she said to him that we would see each other alone even if they have a relationship.. and he said okay to her, that he wasn’t jealous.. but whenever she gave me a big hug, I can tell you he was. So, he did the same to me! He said to my ex-girlfriend that they would still be friends, and when they met, gave her a big hug..)
After what he told me.. everything became downhill.. I began to be insecure every time they were going to their meetings.. I wasn’t trusting him anymore, and I couldn’t go there as it’s for work colleagues only, felt helpless.. I tried to brush it off, but every time they went there, my fears kicked in..
My girlfriend tried to reassure me: he’s not my type (we knew she had a crush on him at first) and That I should trust her.. I said: I trust you, it’s him that I don’t trust!
So, we’ve been like this for 14 months, every time I was negative when the time for them to go approached, and she felt it and wasn’t happy about it. )I just learned through my best friend ex that they always been talking together, to the point that when she felt uneasy, he told her to leave me before I left her, else she would be devastated! (Shouldn’t a best friend with good intentions tell me over a coffee that I should stop being so insecure else I would lose her? No, he did nothing on the sort, always on her side instead of mine..)
After that 2 months, she closed herself, we never had real communication, she was afraid of opening up to me.. and then she began to have enough, she told me after 6 months that I should go into counseling.. I said give me another 3 months and if no changes, I’ll go. she agreed but was resentful and she started to manipulate me, hot and cold, passive-aggressive, withholding affection but giving lots to everyone in front of my face, stonewalling, silent treatment.. (If she wasn’t happy she could have left me prior to that right? )she changed her phone password, when I asked her if I can see who’s she talking with, she was aggressive and played the: you don’t trust me, you’ll breach our relationship if you check my phone! So.. I didn’t check, I wanted things to work out..
After 3 months, I accepted to go into couple counseling.. (she was seeing a therapist since 2 years before.. and she told him about us, he labeled me dependent as well) so that couple therapist, we talked.. and after 10 minutes he said I’m dependent and that she’s escaping (avoidant?) She had a wonderful smile on her face, happy that she was right.. both of them were against me, i didn’t feel safe to talk. So then I asked her if we could go to see another one to see if the results would be the same, this is where she began to bail out..
Inside that time frame, I saw lots of behavior changes: losing weight, listening to jazz music? laughing when texting and not telling me, hiding herself in the toilet, catch her lying to me, but she never admit any faults in this relationship, so the way she acted was because I changed! etc..
So she became sick, where she was never before (people told me it’s a cheating sign) then when I saw her like that, I told her 2 days before we go and see another counselor, that it was over. She didn’t accept it, saying: how does it feels to let someone go? (I’ve been always dumped) I said: I’m not doing this so you are the first one..
Then she continued to talk! OMG! she was talking since 6 months! So I thought she wanted to fix things.. my error.. she then turned it out and: she dumped me on the same day!
1- Was I right not to trust him (and her by ricochet?)
2- I feel super guilty of having turned into an insecure puppy after what he said to me.
3- Should transparency and honesty be part of a good relationship?
4- You wouldn’t believe me.. but after all of this.. I still want her back and try once again, thinking if I change my way, she would feel happy and loving toward me (I think she changed her behavior because my own behavior changed after what my best friend told me)
5- What could be you final thoughts?
I’m very lost; thank you for your time through all of it..
Simon
Anonymous says
Unfortunately I read this article too late. My girlfriend and I started dating on June last year but then she got confused of what she wanted so we broke up. She contacted me a few months later and she asked me out again. Everything was great but a little over a month ago everything started going down hill I was jealous when I saw her around other guys and when she was with friends and I made my own assumptions over little things. Pretty much everything on this article applies to me. She never gave me a reason to doubt her except one day we were supposed to hang out but then she had a family problem and she was feeling down so I told her it was ok. But 1 day later I found out that day she ended up going to a wedding because her friends convinced her and she blocked me on Snapchat cus she didn’t want me to get mad but one of my friends told me and she was dancing with one of her friends she had an unofficial thing with before me but it was mostly just a kissing relationship but it did make me mad. I confronted her and she confessed even though she tried to deny it. We tried to talk and resolve things 2 times but things didn’t get better although we acted like they did. Our talks on the phone were almost awkward and died out. Yesterday we broke up and it wasn’t a normal break up, we made out like 5 times and I told her I love you and she did too. Then she told me that my distrust and jealousy was probably too much for her and she said she didn’t know if she was making the right decision. I asked why we were breaking up and she said she doesn’t have the same feelings for me anymore. She’s leaving for college in 6 weeks and she said she wants to see me before she leaves. Idk what to do i feel like I should do something but I’m not sure what
Alexander Writer says
When a woman tells you she doesn’t have the same feelings anymore it means that all her attraction for you is lost. She still wants to see you before she leaves because she still cares for you. However, she no longer sees you as boyfriend material. My honest advice? Don’t see her. I know it’s going to be hard, but seeing her is going to make things a LOT harder.
Hamish says
Over 9 months my I have caught my girlfriend out talking, flirting, sending nudes, talking badly about me, meeting up with guys. She says she never physically cheated on me, so is it worth me just “getting over” 9 months of bullshit because I love her? because to me it seems more like she is never going to change.
Alexander Writer says
Sending nudes? Time to say goodbye, Hamish. You deserve better. Break up with her.
Anon says
I wonder though, what if a guy is the opposite way: instead of controlling and so on, he withdraws? What then?
Aaron says
Help Alex!!!!! i’m a full time student currently and my gf is home all day and i’m always so worried that while i’m in class my girlfriend is at home cheating on me or something and also i ship out to Ft Benning and i’m just so nervous that for the 2 months while i’m in basic training for the Army shes going to cheat on me how do i fix this? please Help
Thanks,Aaron
EricD says
I’m dealing with this now. We have been on and off 4 years, I. Had some drug problems so I left last Nov. I went to rehab but didn’t tell anyone. I changed my life around, I finally called her in March. She said she thought I died or went to jail. She said she started seeing someone else. I knew it prob happen. Well we hooked up a week later,but I wasn’t feeling it. She noticed. I get a place in may,she starts coming by. Her friends say they are glad I’m back bc she’s falling apart. She thought I just left her. Well I get work,get money saved,she starts coming to stay. First weekend she’s just distant and old af to me. She gets home and says she wasn’t affectionate to me,and she was sorry,next time. Well next time she is a bit high. It starts okay, but she leaves for an hour one day,comes back andim just laying on my bed, she asks my roomate if she can lay w him bc I wasn’t letting her lay down. I’m pissed, she and my roomate talk more than me and her. Yeah we get it on,and talk,but formost parti avoid her,and want to beat his ass. He leaves for weekend, next day I see him texting her phone,it was on my bed. I ask when that happen and why is it hidden? I’m really pissed,she ends up leaving. She says she was trying to hurt me when asking him to lay down.. ifdk why,she says sorry and it was wrong for her not to say bout number,but nothing was said till she says he told her his penis size. I’m like wtf,so I call him and tell him when you get back,we fighting. He’s afraid of me. Well she comes stays w me at new place, 3 weeks, sex is great,we have fun. She leaves and messages me a ton. Saying how much she loves me, how she thought she was only good for a f#$k, noman cared,till I came along.that she loves that I changed my life to be with her(she thinks), but 2 years ago she split,blocked me,and I didn’t hear a thing till I started dating again. She came back like nothing happened,told me what happened,etc. Well it came up and she goes oh when I moved in w Jim? Jim is the other guy she was seeing,didn’t know they were like that. I said you said you were at yr sis. Place. Well I start thinking maybe I should try,she’s had a hard time, etc. But in back of my head I’m like yr going to look like a fool. And really you don’t love her, you actually hate her more,and I just supposed to forget all the B’s? Soi tell her stop saying she loves me. She gets upset,says she was going to stay a bit w me,but now just Thur night,Fri,leave sat morn. Has a appointment near me Fri. I said how bout just coming fri morn,going home after. She goes if that’s what you want, I said no I’d rather you got another ride and don’t come at all. I don’t want to see you. ,I’m sorry,should have never said I love you. She gets upset, swearing at me. I tell her I don’t trust you,just then she gets a video call from some dude,hangs up quick. I’m like yeah,ok. She said it’s not like that. I said forget I existed. I hate you. She has messaged 7 times trying to talk. I’m sad af,but I can’t do this anymore.