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“I’m not sure what I want, I just need a little space right now.”
I wonder how many men have heard their girlfriend ex-girlfriend say “I need space”.
The reality is that the “I need space” comment happens often all over the world.
And when I say often, I’m talking once every 5 minutes.
But why does it happen so often?
Are men just incapable of keeping a woman happy?
Are all women crazy and impossible to satisfy?
Perhaps relationships no longer work in this day and age?
Maybe, maybe not.
You want the honest truth?
I don’t know the exact reason.
No matter who you are or what woman you’re dating, every situation is different.
So, before I start playing the “guessing game” and try to tell you the exact reasons why your girlfriend wants space, let me give you the top 10 most common reasons.
Here we go.
1) You’re clingy
As I teach you inside my book Dating Mastery (click here to download your copy), women need time alone.
Read that sentence again 10 times and repeat it daily until it sticks in your mind.
A woman needs time alone to think, shop, do her nails, cry, laugh, vent, relax, etc. etc. etc.!
Did I make my point clear there?
No matter who she is or where she’s from, you need to allow her time to herself.
If you’re constantly demanding her time and attention, or get mad when she wants to do things without you, you’re slowly pushing her away by being so clingy.
And I get it, man, you love spending time with her.
I know that she makes you laugh, helps you forget about your bad day, and let’s be honest, the sex is great.
But, guess what?
It doesn’t matter.
Regardless of how great everything seems right now, she still needs her space.
You either give it to her, or she’ll begin asking for it.
And believe me when I tell you that you don’t want your girlfriend to reach that point. (More on this later)
Don’t tell me that you and her have a special bond, a ton of inside jokes, and that your relationship is different than everyone else’s.
Women, ALL WOMEN, need time away from their boyfriend’s.
Period.
It’s important to give her the gift of missing you.
And no, her time at work or school doesn’t count as time away from you.
It’s OK to send her a text or give her a quick call to make plans for later.
However, it’s not OK to contact her constantly when she’s not around.
If you can’t get on board with giving your girlfriend time to herself, stop reading right now.
Why?
Because the rest of this article isn’t going to help you.
Trust me.
2) She’s bored
If you and your girlfriend do that exact same thing every weekend, she’s going to get bored.
This happens because your relationship becomes something very, VERY bad:
Predictable.
It might take a month, 6 months, or 2 years; but trust me, she will get bored.
The day will come when she says “I just need some space right now”.
How long it takes all depends on her.
So, how do you prevent her from becoming bored?
Easy, you make a little effort to discover new and fun things to do.
You can take her to a new restaurant, a concert she’s never been to before, kayaking, fishing, wine tasting, and so on.
There are countless new things for the two of you to experience together.
It’s YOUR responsibility (not hers) to discover them.
Always remember that women love and live for new experiences.
If you refuse to give them to her, she’ll need space to get them herself.
I know that last sentence seems harsh, but it’s the cold hard truth, my brother.
Don’t worry, you don’t need to give her a new experience every week.
Just try something or go somewhere new once or twice a month, and you should be fine.
3) You’re not assertive
Example #1:
Her: “What do you want to eat?”
You: “I don’t know, what do you want?”
Example #2:
Her: “I wonder what movie we should watch tonight at the theater.”
You: “I don’t know, is there anything you like?”
When your girlfriend asks you these kind of questions, she’s not asking you to ask HER what she wants.
No, my friend, she’s asking YOU to take the lead like a man and decide.
As her boyfriend, it’s your responsibility to lead and guide her.
End of story.
For the first example, a good response would’ve been:
“I can go for that beef and broccoli that you made last time.”
For the second example:
“Let’s watch the new Tom Hanks movie, it looks great.”
If she asks, you decide.
It’s as easy and simple as that.
4) You allow bad behavior
A mistake many men make is letting their girlfriend get away with bad behavior.
Examples of bad behavior include:
- She gives you unnecessary attitude
- She complains non-stop
- She cancels plans or always arrives late
- She takes hours to respond to text messages
- She throws a fit when she doesn’t get her way
All of these examples are unacceptable.
If you allow them, overtime, she will lose respect for you.
Once respect is lost, space is requested.
Are you following me?
The more you allow her to treat you bad, the less she’ll want to see you.
Men usually allow women to get away with bad behavior out of fear.
They think that she might get mad or break-up with him that if they put their foot down.
The reality?
The more that you allow her to disrespect you, the FASTER she’ll ask for space and most probably break-up with you.
It’s OK if she complains sometimes or gives you a little attitude when the two of you argue.
You can’t expect her to be a robot with no emotion either.
However, what you DON’T want to allow is for her to abuse it and do it constantly, especially when it’s totally uncalled for.
See the difference?
5) You complain
There are two kind of men in the world:
1) Those who complain
2) Those who do something about whatever is bothering them
Can you guess which of the two examples above women prefer?
Easy answer.
If you are a constant complainer, you must stop immediately.
Complaining is for people who want to act helpless and get attention.
Do you think it’s sexy for a man to act this way?
Of course not.
If you consider yourself a real man, you need to act like one.
If something is bothering you, take action and fix it.
Constant complaining annoys the hell out of women and forces them to spend less time with you.
How does she achieve this?
You guessed it, by asking for space.
Ask yourself what you’d do if she complained constantly and it began to drive you crazy.
The answer is obvious: You’d try to get away from her.
It’s fine if you’re going through something and explain how it’s stressing you out.
Your girlfriend wants you to be open with her and support you.
However, she also wants you to do something about the situation, not just complain like a helpless little boy.
Makes sense?
There’s a BIG difference between talking about your problems and complaining about them.
As men, we’re always going to face problems in life.
Some of us will complain, other’s will take action to fix them.
Some girlfriends will ask for space, other’s will be just fine and remain where they are.
6) You call and text constantly
When you call and text often, not only is it annoying, but it makes you seem more like her dad instead of her boyfriend.
What you’re basically doing is checking up on her to see what she’s doing.
And unless your girlfriend is into that (I hope not), no woman wants to feel like she’s dating her dad.
Remember what we spoke about in # 1?
Women need their alone time.
It’s OK to call and text sometimes, but if you’re constantly making contact, it’s going to slowly push her away.
I 100% guarantee it.
7) You lack ambition
Are you constantly setting news goals?
If your answer is no, that’s a BIG problem.
In order to keep your girlfriend motivated about your relationship, you must maintain a fire and drive inside to achieve more in life.
This doesn’t mean you need to go and become a millionaire.
What it means is that you strive to better yourself in every aspect of life.
There are 3 things you can always improve:
1) Health
2) Finances
3) Knowledge
A man should set goals for these three things on the regular.
Don’t set outrageous goals because that’s just setting yourself up for failure.
If you make $10/hr. now, don’t set the goal of earning $75/hr. by next week.
Aim for small goals like “I’m going to add 5 lbs. to my bench press every week” or “I’m going to learn how to make just $5 per day online”.
Once you achieve small goals, make them a little bigger the next time.
Before you know it, you’ll be achieving goals you didn’t think you could.
Listen to me…
Nothing will give you more of a RUSH than achieving a goal you thought was impossible.
And that’s what your girlfriend wants to be part of, the rush you experience.
Those moments of excitement are what life’s all about, man.
A man with ambition stands out from the crowd.
He lights up a room when he walks in.
He has an energy that’s contagious.
Guess what?
Your girlfriend wants that!
Don’t get comfortable and lazy.
Set goals, achieve them, celebrate, and repeat.
8) You’ve let yourself go
Many men let themselves go when they get comfortable in a relationship.
This happens because the sex is easy, the motivation to go to the gym disappears, and eating ice cream with their girlfriend becomes a nightly event.
The result?
Slowly but surely, they start packing on the pounds.
Besides packing on the pounds, some men also get lazy with their grooming.
They don’t get a haircut as often, they wear the same clothes for months/years, and they lose the lively attitude they once had.
Just because you succeeded at making her your girlfriend doesn’t mean you should stop taking care of yourself.
In fact, you should be on top of these things MORE than you were before you met her.
The same applies to her.
Make it a priority to improve your physical health and be on top of your grooming.
No excuses!
9) You’re insecure
I’m sure you’ve heard how women love a man with confidence.
Can you guess what they hate?
That’s right, men who are insecure.
Insecurity screams weakness in men.
What are some of the things that makes you appear insecure?
- Complaining when she goes out with friends
- Talking bad about another guy you think she’d like
- Constantly wishing you had more of something
- Going through her phone
- Losing your cool when she gets dramatic
I’m going to give you the secret on how to never come across as insecure:
Always act as if you want her, but never as if you need her.
Take a couple of minutes to think about what that means.
Whenever you come from a place of neediness, it automatically makes you appear insecure.
This is when you start showing signs of fear of losing her.
You should always communicate that she’s special to you and that you’re happy she’s in your life.
But!
She also needs to know that you’d be just fine if she ever decided to leave.
This is very important, my friend.
10) You’re different people
Sometimes the problem isn’t just you, it’s both of you.
Let me explain.
Sometimes, people grow apart.
You might have met her when she was a certain way, but as time went by, she changed.
Sometimes, it’s you that changes.
Regardless of who changes, your girlfriend will notice that things just aren’t the same anymore.
As a result, she’ll ask for space so she can “figure things out”.
In conclusion: What space really means
So, here’s the reality, and I won’t lie to you, it’s not good.
When a woman reaches the point where she’s asking for space, it typically means she’s lost complete interest in the relationship.
There’s a high chance she still cares about you, but as far as being in a relationship with you, there’s usually no hope.
She might come back around and try things with you again, but it won’t last.
The only reason she comes back is because she’s used to being with you and misses what the two of you had.
However, as the days go by, she realizes she just doesn’t feel the same anymore.
The key is to never get her to the point of wanting space.
I recommend you download my book so you can learn everything there is know about keeping a woman happy and interested in you.
Talk soon,
-Alexander Writer
Ryan says
My girlfriend and I have been together for a year. In that year have gone alot together. Up until this point we have been great, but lately things between my ex wife and i has caused some drama in our relationship and caused my girlfriend to take a step back. She said she needs to look at the situation and decide if we should proceed. She has a young son and is concerned about bringing him into the chaos. I know it won’t be like this forever but I’m just confused as to how to handle it
Anonymous says
My girlfriend and I recently broke up over the fact that her ex boyfriend said he wanted her back in her life. She’s at the point where she says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore and she’s asking for space from both of us. Now, I love this girl to death and I can’t stand the thought of losing her to someone who broke her heart time and time again. She says to give her space to think about it but didn’t give any approximate time. Also, she sees her ex more frequently than she does with me because they go to the same school and she says she “likes” me but still “loves” him and it doesn’t make any sense
G1995 says
We’re not yet a couple and we’re in a long distance, but during this past 4 months.. we have been sharing everything about each other stories n interest.. sometimes she calls/chat me after her work or when she arrived at home ..she chats me even in her busy time even though it may took her some hours to reply back (cause she’s work as a smartphone promoter), but its ok for me..as long as she has time to communicate with me.. and sometimes we wishes each other good morning n good nights, it all went well until i started to feel the changes.. we do talk bout it in a nice way and she’s really open bout it and telling me that she really need time for herself already ..
so in there, im trying to understand her by intentionally seldom texting her and intentionally force myself to get in bed early than i used to, so that i don’t disturb her in her rest time when she’s already at home.. day by day ,.still as usual, im giving her some space to breathe but at the same time .. i do texting her just to know on how’s she doings , to let her know that im cared for her.. so time passes by .. and she made a call.. and we talk bout her work and stuff..then there i said to her..that i feel some changes..that we’re not the same as we used to.. and she said that she do notice that and she told me that since their management change.. she really dont have time for herself and she felt like day by day she’s feel exhausting till whenever she reached home, she doesnt felt like want to talk and need her time alone.. and i respect that..
so i keep continuing giving her some space.. then suddenly .. i felt whenever i texting her ,..she seems losing her interest already eventho she replied back.. then the next day.. she started rarely chat me.. , her whatsapp is online status but she rarely texting me back n then it suddenly reached to a point when she said she’s busy with her work group and she cant reply me..and i ask wht’s the reason of it.. and
she said;
“nothing else, im just busy at work and at home i need my rest”
” i hope u understnd that, im just busy with myself n work, that’s why it’s hard for me to have someone ”
” this about time, i cant give my time for u even for a second, if i do, it would not as always like we used to”
and i ask her if we have a problem.or did i made a mistakes.. and told her that she can call me anytime when she has a time and ask her not to block or delete my number.. and she replied
” there’s no problem between us .. i already told u..”
“please dont keep asking ”
‘ i need my time ..soryy and take care ”
then the next day, i send her a msg bout that im will give her some space like she wanted to and tell that i dont want her to think that im bored with her when i rarely chat her.. and i said that im hoping she will reply me n call me again and hoping that it’s not our last..and i said that i miss her then she replied;
her: “take care there..dont forget to eat.. drink a lot of water..”
her: ” miss u always here ” with flower emoticons’
me: okay u.. u too there
her: okay 🙂
me: be safe always .. hope to hear ur voice again *piggy emoticons*
her: okay u too *monkey emoticons*
me: u, u will call me when u have time right?
her: yaa.. i’ll
me: i’ll be looking forward for that
her: okey u *flower emoticon*
then at night when she’s done with her work..
me: safely drive u
her: okay ..hope u already ate ur dinner
me: already..be careful on way home
her: okay 🙂
and that’s the conversations i had with her..
so, wht should i do? should i keep giving her some space? does she starting to lose interest in me?
i need ur opinions on this,, and advice..
John says
Men – if you hear she “needs space”, rejoice! This is your out. You ALWAYS want to woman to think she’s the one dumping you. They get less psycho that way. So give her all the space she wants. In fact, don’t ever contact her again in any way. Don’t call, text or e-mail her. If you see her walking down the street, cross to the other side. Women are good for nothing other than ruining a man’s life, so get out as soon as you can.
Alexander Writer says
A woman can only ruin your life if you let her.
Wayne Honey says
From my experience, both the mistakes I’ve made and what I have seen from other guys, you all have your points absolutely spot on. There is always a reason behind a girl wanting space and it is going to be your fault. Chances are it is because you are too clingy as you’ve said, or that you are being too keen or I think the “letting yourself go” is probably true as well. No one is saying it’s easy – but dudes we need to be smarter with this stuff!
TDog says
“As her boyfriend, it’s your responsibility to lead and guide her?” “Don’t *allow* her bad behavior?” Damn, that is some misogynistic garbage. Treat your lady as an equal and you’re golden, fellas. Yes, give her space, but damn, do it because she’s a human with needs just like a man is. This writer shoulda stopped after point #1, straight up. Please don’t treat your lady like a child or a lesser human to be guided, led, or allowed/not-allowed behaviors. Yes, it’s important to set your own boundaries, but the language of “allowing” in this context sets a dangerous precedent for trying to control women as if they are possessions or pets. Also, confidence is not the domain of men, nor is cockiness ever attractive. Don’t get it twisted, women like it when you tell them about your insecurities as long as you’re not aggressive or demanding of them to somehow shoulder the burden of your issues. It’s only gonna lead to long term problems for your relationship and yourself if you continue to put on a false confidence and never tell your girl how you *actually* feel. The article is trying hard to identify that men also have feelings but it’s missing the mark. Tell her your honest feelings, accept her honest response, put your fragile male ego aside. Simple as that.
Alexander Writer says
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Tdog.
Shaka says
I just had my girl tell me that she needs space or “distance” as she put it. She voiced some concerns about interactions we’ve had which were bothersome for her. Small things. She feels she likes me too much which is why she looked at those bothersome things and tried to translate them in terms of what they’d mean for the big picture of our relationship got serious. We’d only been dating for like a month and a half. We had a good time together. We agreed on that. She expressed concerns that our relationship progressed way too quickly which I also agreed with. So we had a long conversation over the phone about these things and she later texted me a long message to further elaborate. In the text she said that if we were able to keep our relationship ship light, we probably wouldn’t be having problems. The next day no contact between us. The day after that I got the idea to ask her to let me take her to a movie and dinner. Just have fun. That’s when she replied with “Apparently I’m not good at keeping things light between us. I think some distance could help.” The next day I met her at her job because if left my contact lenses at her place and needed them. When I saw her, no hug or physical contact. She handed me a bag containing the contact lenses AND other toiletry items that I’d also left there but never mentioned when I asked for my contacts. She apologized for having to run into work. Waved goodbye. An hour later as I was on the road, she emailed me to tell me it was good to see me and apologized again for having to run into work. That was Friday. Today is Monday and I haven’t heard from her since. I’ve gone no contact and it’s been torture by the minute. But I told her I’d respect her wish for distance. She actually replied with a smiley face when I told her that, which was weird to me. Why send a smiley face? Anyway, she still follows me on Instagram and she hasn’t blocked my number. But I’m not sure what course of action I should take because I feel like she left me in limbo.
Roshan Adhikari says
We were having a normal conversation at dat but with few and short texts.She told me she is with her friends at home.I thought its okie.
at night i text her why ur so cold to me recently is there something troubling you?
She replied me she wanted to be alone she need a breakup.
i here acted as a man and i told her its ok relax take your time breaking up is not a solution.
after that she said idk
i acted here again with chill mind.
me:ok text me when u feel ok i love u so much what eve the reason am not a person that runs away i would be always there for you.you can text me i am always here for you
after that i didnt text at that day
2nd day
i started to miss her.as we used to have a text from morning saying good morning.what are u doing to have u had ur breakfast.
i waited till 9 am couldnt hold too much i went to smoke at 11 and after i came back i did a mistake by texting her.
are u seriously going to leave me?
tell me once i would go without disturbing u again and again
her:i didnt say i wont leave you
as i have said i want to be alone for a while
i feel lil relaxed hearing it and i said ok tell me when you are here
3rd day
again i did a mistake i wake up at night 2:30 am(her time 3:30 am we are in long distance relationship)
i didnt thought for a point why she awake late night
I told her
are u there?
her:what
me: its so hard for me to figure out is everything okie with you
she:everything is okie
me:i feel so bad i am going away because if my presence and absence doesnt affect you why should i be here?
she:ok if you wanna go its up to you.
me:no i dont mean that i just wanna del the wats app so that i wont be disturbing again and again and make ur irritating.
she replied me ok
i replied ok
i told her u can text me on gmail if u wanna talk with me’
now i wasnt texting her
4th day
something changed in my behaviour make my sister lil doubtful and she message to my gf mom..is everything okie?
her mom gets worried when ever she hears we have a problem in our relationship?
so my gf furiously text in my sister mobile by saying she wanna talk with me.
i texted with her by saying whats a problem?
she asked me why you told your sis?
I was suprised i didnt told to anyone for god sake
after that she made her mom to talk with me
“i told her everything is okie mom we are texting daily look nothing is wrong”
i lied her with a hope that nothing would be wrong
and here i am writting my story
I would write soon when she back to me.
because i trust in god in my love and in her.she would definately miss me when i stop to be clingy towards her.
waiting and praying ameen ameen all would be good soon
James Dean says
This article is ridiculous! This is a guide for a child/little princess. I will not act as a parent to my girlfriend. Only weak woman ask for space. A real woman will make a man better and make things work. Stay away from little girls that wants to go on adventures or throw a fit when things don’t go her way. I have no interest in weak little girls. I want a strong independent woman who makes her own money and DONT NEED A MAN FOR NOTHING!!
Alexander Writer says
Let us know when you find her. Might be difficult since she “DON’T NEED A MAN FOR NOTHING!!”
john quinn says
mine is over 6 years and her son and myself was winding her up saying why do u have snapchat and she thought i didnt trust her so she kicked us out and her nephew told me she wanted time and space and she did same to her son who 23 on xmas eve been like 8 days which i dont see point why she doing it
Alexander Writer says
Wow